


"we should make a gc"

by sad_max



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Group chat, M/M, More characters to be added, More tags to be added, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Out of Character, Polyamorous Character, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), closeted couple, text fic, the memes are from june but they can be ironic now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-05-24 07:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14950671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_max/pseuds/sad_max
Summary: Peter and Shuri make a group chat.





	1. Phase 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +Shuri  
> +Peter Parker  
> +T'challa  
> +Bucky Barnes  
> +Clint Barton  
> +Steve Rogers  
> +Tony Stark  
> +Sam Wilson  
> +Thor  
> \---  
> -peter's phone  
> 

**1:36 PM**

 

_T-pose sent a private message to spideyboy._

 

T-pose: pete

T-pose: we should make a gc

 

spideyboy: w who tho

spideyboy: the avengers?

 

T-pose: yeah dumbass

T-pose: i know T'challa's up for it

T-pose: and Bucky

 

spideyboy: wait who's bucky

 

T-pose: metal arm dude, T'challa told me u fought w him

 

spideyboy: oh yeah i threw a shield at him two three years ago lmao

spideyboy: on the airport

 

T-pose: badass

T-pose: i'm texting clint rn to see if he wants to join

T-pose: u can text tony stank if u want

T-pose: buck will probs add steve

 

spideyboy: putting iron man and captain america in the same chat is a protocol for disaster

 

T-pose: ikr the chat's gonna be hell

T-pose: do u have wanda's number

 

spideyboy: no

 

T-pose: good me neither

 

spideyboy: someone else might add her though

 

T-pose: i'm cool w that ig

T-pose: Nat's?

 

spideyboy: i can see if steve'll add her or smth

 

T-pose: nice

T-pose: what about Thor does he have a number

 

spideyboy: i dont think he even knows what a phone is lmao

 

T-pose: god dammit i wanted to see what he's capable of

T-pose: think about it. the god of thunder, son of odin, in a group chat

 

spideyboy: a chaotic heaven

 

T-pose: poetic

T-pose: also pete don't call anyone mr or mrs ur our friend now not some dumb stark intern

 

spideyboy: thanks ig?

* * *

 

**2:03 PM**

 

_T-pose has added spideboy to a new group chat._

 

_spideyboy has renamed the group chat "piper perri."_

 

_T-pose sent a message to "piper perri"._

 

T-pose: NO LMAO

T-pose: T'CHALLA DOESN'T LIKE THAT MEME HE THINKS IT'S STUPID

T-pose: CHANGE IT

 

spideyboy: my bad

 

_spideyboy has renamed the group chat "loss.jpeg"_

 

T-pose: ur not funny

 

_spideyboy has renamed the group chat "| || || |_"_

 

T-pose: UR RIDICULOUS

 

spideyboy: asfrdjsflk this is gonna be a disaster

 

_T-pose has added Kitty to the group chat._

_T-pose has added binky to the group chat._

 

binky: SERIOUSLY, LOSS??

 

T-pose: FUCK

 

binky: THAT MEME IS SO DEAD SHURI WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

Kitty: i see that Piper Perri change up there

 

T-pose: both of you better shut up

 

Kitty: I am literally the king of Wakanda but ok

 

binky: i am literally a super soldier who could take you down in a snap but ok

 

T-pose: i can literally freeze both of you for decades and take over wakakakakaa but ok

 

binky: you can try

 

spideyboy: wait binky are u bucky

 

binky: yeah

binky: shuri picked this name out and i don't know how to change it so don't make it personal

 

spideyboy: wait a second

spideyboy: bucky barnes right

 

binky: thats my name don't wear it out

 

spideyboy: ur like 100 years old right

 

binky: yeah, your point question mark

 

spideyboy: and you've been like. a super soldier working for hydra most of ur life

 

binky: unfortunately

 

spideyboy: and shuri told me you've been frozen for a lil bit since two years ago

 

Kitty: What are you getting at?

 

binky: you're right about that

 

spideyboy: how do u even know about loss

spideyboy: let alone it being a (kinda) dead meme

 

T-pose: he's getting onto u buck

 

spideyboy: memes shouldn't even be a concept for u

spideyboy: u should be in a retirement home looking at funny cute pics of cats on facebook u old man

 

binky: you're just upset because a silent era kid is more advanced in meme culture than you, a gen z

 

Kitty: Bucky just lowkey roasted you

 

T-pose: highkey

 

spideyboy: bitch

 

binky: cuck

 

_spideyboy has left the group chat._

 

_T-pose has added spideyboy to the group chat._

 

T-pose: my favorite thing about this app is that u get to force people into the gc against their will and the only way they can get out is by blocking you

 

_spideyboy has left the group chat._

 

_T-pose has added spideyboy to the group chat._

 

_spideyboy has left the group chat._

 

_T-pose has added spideyboy to the group chat._

 

T-pose: ur stuck hoe

 

binky: lmaoo

 

_T-pose has added bangtan barton to the group chat._

 

just bucky: oh my god i almost know you

 

bangtan barton: oh my god i almost know you too

 

spideyboy: hey do y'all just wanna start adding everyone to the gc

 

T-pose: oh so are we not going to politely ask if they wish to participate in this activity

 

binky: let's do it

binky: how many shrimps do you have to eat

 

_binky has added Steve to the group chat._

 

spideyboy: before you make your skin turn pink

 

_spideyboy has added Tony STank to the group chat._

 

Kitty: Eat too much and you'll get sick

 

_Kitty has added Birdie to the group chat._

 

Tony STank: What???

 

T-pose: shrimps are pretty rich

 

_T-pose has added The Strongest Avenger to the group chat._

 

T-pose: also i lied i have thor's number

 

spideyboy: OH MY GOD D DJIWKLSKFDCS HI THOR FUCK IM GAY

 

Steve: Hey, guys!

 

binky: hey stevie

 

Tony STank: Is this a special occasion or something???

 

spideyboy: THRPOFDTHUIEP

spideyboy: THOR HI IM PETER

 

Tony STank: Peter!

 

binky: i think sam's offline rn

 

The Strongest Avenger: HELLO SCREAMING GAY SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Steve: Aw, no! :(

 

spideyboy: ALFDKGSLGJDSFLKA

 

Tony STank: PETER!

 

_spideyboy has changed their name to screaming gay spider._

 

bangtan barton: thsi is so funny to watch

 

T-pose: im so sorry stinky but now that peter's celebrity crush is here u might as well just talk to a brick wall

 

Tony STank: This is ridiculous.

 

screaming gay spider: IM SO SORRY MR STARK

 

Kitty: Calm down

Kitty: All of you

Kitty: I feel like I'm policing children

 

screaming gay spider: i'm sorry

 

bangtan barton: sorry

 

Tony STank: Sorry

 

The Strongest Avenger: My apologies!

 

T-pose: hey T'challa 4 once i didn't fuck shit up lmao

 

Kitty: Ig

 

Steve: Can we please watch it with the language? That's three cuss words in one sentence.

 

T-pose: u know they're weak when they say cuss instead of swear

 

screaming gay spider: u right

screaming gay spider: but yeah sure thing cap!

 

T-pose: u can pry my right to naughty speech out of my dead rotting hands

 

Tony STank: I still want to know why we're in a group chat!

 

screaming gay spider: it's a science experiment shuri and i are conducting

 

Tony STank: What? I'm not your lab rat

 

T-pose: wait what lmao

 

screaming gay spider: you see

screaming gay spider: we're seeing how strong our superheroes really are by placing them in a stressful, possibly annoying situation: a group chat

screaming gay spider: and we've decided that whoever leaves first is the one who snapped the quickest, and is therefore the weakest of them all

screaming gay spider: and we will be making a list of who leaves the group chat in what order. those on the bottom quartile of the list will be mocked and ridiculed

screaming gay spider: and those at the top will be given the utmost praise and respect

 

Tony STank: Oh?

 

T-pose: peter oh my god aksdfgsfdf

 

_private message from binky to screaming gay spider: ur genius_

 

_private message from screaming gay spider to binky: thanks i know_

 

The Strongest Avenger: I will be accepting my praise now, please!

 

T-pose: ur valid

 

binky: blessed

 

bangtan barton: we love u thor

 

Tony STank: I don't think so

 

T-pose: stinky

 

binky: ew gross

 

bangtan barton: who's this garbage

 

Kitty: Let's do a topic change before either Thor's ego or Tony's insecurity explodes

 

Tony STank: I'm going to bed

 

binky: wait ain't it like 2 pm in ny

 

Tony STank: So?

 

screaming gay spider: mood

 

Kitty: Sweet dreams

 

T-pose: rot in ur sleep

 

The Strongest Avenger: Goodnight!

 

binky: goodnight stinky

 

bangtan barton: tell pepper i love her xoxo

 

screaming gay spider: goodnight mr stark!

screaming gay spider: also hey tchalla i have a question

 

Kitty: Yes?

 

T-pose: oh boy this is gonna be a ride

 

screaming gay spider: can you purr?

 

bangtan barton: yeah, t, can you?

 

Kitty: Do you have eight limbs?

 

screaming gay spider: not yet

 

Kitty: What?????

 

binky: correct answer

 

screaming gay spider: i have another question

screaming gay spider: this one's for you bucky

 

binky: give me the dumbest one you got

 

screaming gay spider: if you took off your arm and threw it, would it come back to you like a boomerang?

 

T-pose: akfjkdskla what kind of question is th at

 

binky: never tried

 

screaming gay spider: you should

 

binky: yeah, maybe i can use you as target practice sometime

 

Kitty: Leave him alone lol

 

screaming gay spider: that would be so awesome

screaming gay spider: i would brag about it so much at school

screaming ga spider: "hey guys! the winter soldier threw his arm at me and my face hurts but it was so fucking cool!"

 

binky: i appreciate that you would feel blessed if i nailed you in the face with my arm but please don't call me that lmao

binky: just bucky

 

T-pose: just bucky

 

_binky has changed their name to just bucky._

 

just bucky: btw shuri i figured out how to change my user so im no longer ur name slave

 

T-pose: i liked binky better

 

Kitty: Me too

 

just bucky:  w/e

just bucky: hey did steve go offline?

 

gay screaming spider: oh and did thor? he hasnt said much

 

bangtan barton: oh he went offline like an hour ago lmao

bangtan barton: looks like the god of thunder checked off a few mins ago too

bangtan barton: sam's been offline since we added him :/

 

just bucky: sam's a bastard so it's ok

 

bangtan barton: u wouldn't say that to his face

 

just bucky: bet

 

gay screaming spider: oooh superhero drama

 

Kitty: He'd kill him before Buck would even have the chance to open his mouth

Kitty: Oh btw Shuri can you please get me some water?

 

just bucky: actually we're bffs so he'd let me speak THEN kill me

 

T-pose: i am literally IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU

 

just bucky: smh t'challa i thought u were better than that

 

screaming gay spider: wow mr t ur so spoiled

 

bangtan barton: lazy kitty

 

Kitty: I am your older brother

 

T-pose: then dehydrate

 

screaming gay spider: sibling culture in a shellnut

 

Kitty: I love you too

 

T-pose: u look tired maybe u should go to bed

 

Kitty: You look like you just inhaled five cups of coffee

 

T-pose: go 2 sleep sleepy kitty

 

just bucky: soft kitty, warm kitty…

just bucky: little ball of fur

 

screaming gay spider: no don't make him go to sleep he's the life of the party

 

bangtan barton: happy kitty, sleepy kitty....

 

just bucky: hey i thought i was the life of the party :/

 

_Kitty favorited screaming gay spider's message: "no don't make him go to sleep he's..."._

_Kitty favorited just bucky's message: "hey i thought i was the life of..."._

 

bangtan barton: purr, purr, purr

 

screaming gay spider: nah

 

T-pose: no tbbt references in this group chat

T-pose: go to sleep

 

Kitty: Actually, I think I should go to bed

Kitty: Important royalty king stuff going on tomorrow, you guys wouldn't understand

 

T-pose: fuck you

 

bangtan barton: fuck you

 

Kitty: Goodnight ❤

 

bangtan barton: gn

 

screaming gay spider: goodnight!

 

just bucky: sweet dweams uwu

 

T-pose: bucky oh ym god askdfjdsk

 

screaming gay spider: NO UWU CULTURE ALLOWED

 

_just bucky favorited screaming gay spider's message: "NO UWU CULTURE ALLOWED"_

 

bangtan barton: it's just the four of us now

 

just bucky: maybe so

 

screaming gay spider: clint, i have a question

 

T-pose: oh my god

 

just bucky: are you just going to interrogate everyone in the group chat

 

bangtan barton: go 4 it

 

screaming gay spider: do you have unlimited arrows

 

bangtan barton: technically. i just summon them from a portal inside my pocket but i don't know where they come from or if it's an unlimited stash or not

 

screaming gay spider: that's awesome

 

just bucky: oh my god

 

T-pose: any other dumb questions peter

 

screaming gay spider: no not right now but i'll inform you when i do

 

T-pose: thanks i appreciate it

 

* * *

 

**3:32 AM**

 

_screaming gay spider sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

screaming gay spider: [video](https://instagram.com/p/BjtikFNneB4/)

 

**4:56 AM**

 

_just bucky sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: oh my god really

 

screaming gay spider: yeah

 

just bucky: i can't believe this stupid meme has escalated to auditory depictions

 

screaming gay spider: it won't be long until it can be discovered in the astral plane

 

just bucky: it's the final boss of life

 

screaming gay spider: asklfjrdkf

 

* * *

 

**8:30 AM**

 

_Tony STank sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

Tony STank: "50+ new messages" Good morning I guess?

 

just bucky: aww are you done with your depression nap sweetie xoxo

 

_Tony STank has left the group chat._


	2. Lowkey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +Tony Stark  
> +Rhodey  
> +Stephen Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--  
> +btw if u see private messages in italics (x sent private message to y: abc) during the gc then only the sender and receiver can see it, along with messages like x blocked y etc. i just do short exchanges in italics to avoid the chat breaking off so much.  
> +only other moderators can see moderator abilites. if the chapter is shown through a mod's pov, you'll see messages like "x muted y" or "x kicked y from the group." if not, then you'll simply see characters go silent and "x left the group".  
> +mods are not notified when other users become moderator  
> \---  
> -bucky's phone

**3:33 PM**

 

_just bucky sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: that wasn't supposed to make him leave whoops

 

bangtan barton: why are y'all so hard on tony lmao

 

just bucky: i don't try to be i'm just like this to most people

 

bangtan barton: mood

bangtan barton: oh btw im gonna be on and off all day because im doing cool things with my awesome wife

 

just bucky: lucky

* * *

 

**3:45 PM**

 

_T-pose sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

T-pose: tbfh "why yall so hard on tony" well he almost done murdered my kinda best friend :///

T-pose: i know it was mostly out of shock and grief btu yknow

T-pose: im working on it ig

 

just bucky: "kinda best friend" thanks i appreciate it

 

T-pose: no i was talking about steve

T-pose: jk ily btic

 

just bucky: ilyt btcih

 

bangtan barton: yeah i get it man but for the most part he's over that

bangtan barton: and by over that i mean he's not ready 2 murder buck with his bare hands

 

just bucky: i can take that

 

T-pose: i can relate to wanting 2 murder buck with your bare hands

 

just bucky: u think we should add him back to the gc

 

bangtan barton: who

 

just bucky: i

 

T-pose: yeah but it's kinda cruel to make him sit here and listen to people call him stinky and joke about him yknow

 

bangtan barton: we could add rhodes and strange

 

just bucky: he'll be all soft n shit if we do that

just bucky: ,,let's do it

 

Steve: Wait, why Stephen?

 

just bucky: I FORGTO STEVE DOESNT KNOW

just bucky: also good afternoon b ily

 

T-pose: u don't know stevie?

 

Steve: ❤

Steve: What am I supposed to know?

 

T-pose: here, what DO you know?

 

Steve: Not much? I've been nomadic for about three years

Steve: I haven't been able to keep in contact with Stark's side

 

just bucky: wait hold on a moment

 

_26 messages mass deleted by just bucky._

 

* * *

 

**4:02 PM**

 

_just bucky has added Steve, T-pose, and bangtan barton to a new group chat._

 

_just bucky renamed the group chat "Stark Secrets"._

 

_just bucky sent a message to "Stark Secrets"._

 

just bucky: kinda rude to drop it in front of the entire group chat

 

Steve: Wait, who all knows?

 

bangtan barton: Tony told me and i kind of spilled it to Shuri about a month ago

 

T-pose: i gossiped to bucky and peter about it last week

T-pose: peter's p good at keeping secrets so he might be clean

 

bangtan barton: rhodey knows

bangtan barton: and pepper

bangtan barton: i think that's it

 

T-pose: ok enough of that let's get to the juicy part

T-pose: so like stephen and stinky are really close

T-pose: like

T-pose: REALLY close

 

Steve: Define close?

 

T-pose: best friends but like. more

 

Steve: Just cut to the chase

 

bangtan barton: they're lowkey dating

 

Steve: Lowkey?

Steve: And I thought Tony was with Pepper?

 

just bucky: lowkey as in they're keeping it on the downlow

just bucky: and pepper knows

 

Steve: If Pepper knows, then why is she allowing it?

 

T-pose: tony's poly

T-pose: which means he can be in a romantic relationship with a group of people or have multiple romantic relationships

 

bangtan barton: he ain't a playboy though

 

just bucky: yeah he's not cheating on either of them

just bucky: both stephen and pepper are chill with it and there's not like. jealousy  or anything in the relationship

just bucky: tony's actually really good at maintaining a healthy poly relationship

just bucky: does all that make sense stevie?

 

Steve: For the most part

Steve: I'm curious as to how he was able to tell Pepper, though

Steve: I mean, imagine if your partner just walked up to you and said, "Hey, i like this this other guy and I want to know if I can date him even though we've been together for years?"

 

T-pose: yeah i get it dude

T-pose: and i think this is the part where it gets cloudy

T-pose: clint?

 

bangtan barton: i think pepper just knew the whole time

bangtan barton: rhodey did, and i did

bangtan barton: so i guess pepper did too because there wasn't any tension in the time slot between when tony started crushing on stephen and when they started dating

bangtan barton: make sense?

 

Steve: Yeah, thanks

Steve: Do you know why they're keeping it "on the downlow?"

 

T-pose: well i mean

T-pose: he's a celebrity with a """""controversial""""" sexuality (poly + he likes all genders)

T-pose: and he's in a """""controversial""""" relationship

T-pose: he might get a lot of backlash and hate and people are gonna think he's cheating on pepper and he's gonna get homophobic comments and he's way too soft for that

 

Steve: Yeah, I get it with the public, but why not his friends?

 

just bucky: i just don't think he's ready yet?

 

bangtan barton: which is exactly why steve will be the last person we tell about this

 

T-pose: which means no more gossiping

T-pose: and all of us (except clint because he's actually supposed to know) have to act completely oblivious

 

just bucky: that's fine

 

Steve: I won't tell anyone

 

T-pose: good

T-pose: anyone have rhodey's contact?

 

just bucky: i do, surprisingly

just bucky: i'll go ask

 

* * *

 

**4:28 PM**

 

_just bucky sent a private message to Rocky Rhodey._

 

just bucky: rhodes

just bucky: hey rhodes

 

Rocky Rhodey: Bucky?

 

just bucky: thats my name

just bucky: want to join a group chat

just bucky: it's gonna be me, you, tony, some weird kids, king of wakanda, god of thunder, bird man, robin hood, and wizard guy (hopefully)

 

Rocky Rhodey: Sure?

 

just bucky: by the way, do you have stephen strange's contact

 

Rocky Rhodey: it's an email

Rocky Rhodey: stephenstrangebadboy@gmail.com

 

just bucky: thanks

 

* * *

 

**4:32 PM**

 

_just bucky added Rocky Rhodey to "| || || |_"._

 

_just bucky sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: enjoy

 

* * *

 

**4:34 PM**

 

_just bucky sent a private message to stephen._

 

just bucky: hey bad boy

 

stephen: Who are you?

 

just bucky: james buchanan "bucky barnes," super soldier, resident of wakanda, one-sided enemy of tony stark

 

stephen: oh right, he told me about you

 

just bucky: i'm sure it was all wonderful things

 

stephen: so, why did you text me?

stephen: how did you find my contact?

 

just bucky: want to join a group chat

 

stephen: no thanks

stephen: how did you find my contact?

 

just bucky: rhodey's in it

just bucky: and stark

just bucky: and peter and t'challa

just bucky: c'mon man please

 

stephen: beg harder

stephen: how did you find me???

* * *

 

**4:40 PM**

 

_just bucky added stephen to "| || || |_"._

 

_stephen has left the group chat._

 

_just bucky added stephen to "| || || |_"._

 

_stephen has left the group chat._

 

_just bucky added stephen to "| || || |_"._

 

_stephen has left the group chat._

 

_just bucky added stephen to "| || || |_"._

 

_just bucky sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: you're being a very uncooperative hostage

 

_stephen has left the group chat._

 

_just bucky added Tony STank to "| || || |_"_

 

_just bucky added stephen to the group chat._

 

just bucky: good evening

just bucky: yeah that's what i thought

 

bangtan barton: what is up my dudes

 

T-pose: oh my god bucky what did you do

 

just bucky: i used blunt force

 

stephen: uh huh

 

Tony STank: Uh huh

 

T-pose: uh huh

 

Rocky Rhodey: Why does this group chat even exist, anyway?

 

T-pose: do we need to have a reason for everything in this goddamn friend group??

 

_just bucky favorited T-pose's message: "do we need to have a reason for..."_

 

just bucky: ^

 

bangtan barton: can't we have a group chat just for funsies or is that so wrong

 

Rocky Rhodey: I'm just curious!!

 

T-pose: this is our road to recovery after the events of Titan

 

stephen: I feel like this is going to be the exact opposite in my personal opinion

 

T-pose: well your personal opinion is wrong

 

Steve: Hey, now

 

T-pose: you're an allst

 

Tony STank: Wait what??

 

T-pose: anyway

T-pose: hey rhodes

 

just bucky: smooth

 

Steve: Wait, I'm confused

 

T-pose: rhodes

T-pose: oh my god did he seriously mute the gc

T-pose: anyway

T-pose: does anyone know where peter is he hasn't said anything at all today

 

just bucky: well it's still 9 in the morning for him and he was up until 5 last night

 

T-pose: oh right our timezones are completely different

 

Tony STank: What was Pete doing up at five?

 

T-pose: who knows at this point honestly

 

stephen: You think someone should go check up on him?

 

just bucky: yeah give me just a moment

 

_just bucky sent a private message to screaming gay spider: hey you there_

 

just bucky: yeah he's dead

 

Tony STank: It's been thirty seconds.

 

just bucky: so?

 

T-pose: he'll come back

 

screaming gay spider: GUYS YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

screaming gay spider: oh hey stephen!!!!!!

 

T-pose: see

 

stephen: What happened?

 

screaming gay spider: okay so i was out patrolling and like

 

 _(edited)_ stephen: I thought Tony told you not to go out patrolling past 2?

 

screaming gay spider: SHHH IM TELLING A STORY

 

_just bucky sent a private message to stephen: i saw that "we"_

_just bucky sent a private message to stephen: is pete like ur illegit child or something_

 

_just bucky has been temporarily blocked from private messaging stephen._

 

screaming gay spider: ok so i was out patrolling and i was on the empire state building

 

Tony STank: Stories that start with "i was on the empire state building" never end well

 

_stephen favorited Tony STank's messages: "Stories that start with "so i was on..."._

 

screaming gay spider: so i was on the empire state building

screaming gay spider: fighting some bad guys

 

stephen: What were bad guys doing on the empire state building?

 

Tony STank: What were _you_ doing on the empire state building??

 

screaming gay spider: i don't know

screaming gay spider: and i webbed this guy's hand but like,, the web wouldn't detach from my wrist??

screaming gay spider: and turns out the guy was REALLY strong

screaming gay spider: and he started swinging his whole arm around and before i knew it i was being swung around the entire roof

 

T-pose: holy shit

 

screaming gay spider: and the more he swung around the longer the web got so eventually i was like, over new york and not steady ground

 

stephen: i don't like this story

 

just bucky: what happened next

 

screaming gay spider: and then the web detached

 

stephen: oh my god

 

Tony STank: _What?????_

 

screaming gay spider: and i was too busy freaking out and crying to sling a web to a building or something

 

bangtan barton: did u die

 

screaming gay spider: oh man i wish i could be sure

screaming gay spider: gm btw

 

bangtan barton: gm

 

screaming gay spider: so i hit the ground

 

just bucky: how are you even alive

 

Tony STank: Jesus, are you hurt anywhere???

 

screaming gay spider: ok so you know how when you swat a spider off a desk or smth and they just fall to the ground and start running like they're not hurt at all

screaming gay spider: and im fine btw dont worry about me

 

stephen: Uh, yeah?

 

screaming gay spider: that pretty much happened

 

T-pose: PETER PARKER DOESN'T TAKE FALL DAMAGE

 

_screaming gay spider, bangan barton, and just bucky liked T-pose's message: "PETER PARKER DOESN'T TAKE FALL DAMAGE"._

 

just bucky: OH MY GOD

 

Tony STank: Okay, kid I know this is cool and all but please don't go hurling yourself off of buildings

 

screaming gay spider: i won't lmao

 

stephen: And please keep in mind that spiders are not resistant to water fall damage so if you jump off a building and into water then you'll probably die

 

screaming gay spider: man that would be so cool

 

_stephen, just bucky, bangtan barton, and T-pose favorited screaming gay spider's message: "man that would be so cool"._

 

Tony STank: Remind me not to let you jump off the big diving board

 

T-pose: 8 foot jump and he's a goner

 

just bucky: mood

 

stephen: Me

 

Tony STank: Relatable

 

Steve: You can never be too careful

 

just bucky: !!!! you're back

 

Steve: ❤❤❤

Steve: I lost cell

 

T-pose: WHat is up stevie

 

Steve: The sky

 

T-pose: thot

 

_T-pose has kicked Steve from "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: NO

 

_just bucky has added steve to "| || ||| |_"._

 

just bucky: IM SO SORRY STEVE DONT LET SHURI'S HATRED FOR BAD PUNS GET TO YOU

 

screaming gay spider: ASDKFJDGK MOOD

 

Steve: I will outlive her

 

T-pose: you say that now but what about when you don't wake up in the morning

 

Steve: What?

 

screaming gay spider: what?

 

just bucky: what

 

Tony STank: What??

 

T-pose: what.

 

Steve: Wait, did you call me "thot?"

 

T-pose: no.

 

screaming gay spider: i think you are in fact the thot, shuri

 

T-pose: fuck you im gucci

 

Steve: I think I'm losing cell again

 

just bucky: no come back b

 

screaming gay spider: omg thor's online guys

 

The Strongest Avenger: Good afternoon, everyone! I have a story to tell you all.

 

stephen: Oh, gee

 

screaming gay spider: hello thor!!!!! ❤

 

The Strongest Avenger: ❤❤❤

 

T-pose: oh, hello. you ditched us last night

 

The Strongest Avenger: My greatest apologies! My story will hopefully explain my absence.

 

just bucky: oh then do tell

 

The Strongest Avenger: So, about thirteen days ago, I found a stray dog while I was on a walk.

 

Tony STank: Oh boy

 

The Strongest Avenger: I couldn't take it back to the apartment, though, because Banner isn't too fond of "street dogs." Strangely, everyday, the dog would detect me in on the streets, even in crowds. He would bark at me, follow me around, and one time he pulled at my sleeve while I was taking pictures. I assumed it was just another fan. I took a "selfie" of me with the dog. Unfortunately, he didn't have an Instagram to post it on.

 

_The Strongest Avenger sent an image to "| || || |_"_

 

screaming gay spider: he loves you

 

stephen: He looks kind of devilish

 

screaming gay spider: all dogs are valid, stephen

 

The Strongest Avenger: One day, about five days or so after I met the dog, he followed me back to the apartment. Banner wasn't home at the time, so I thought to myself, "Sure, why not! I'm sure the dog would love the pleasing aesthetic of the apartment."

The Strongest Avenger: The dog immediately made himself at home. While he sat on the couch watching some strange documentary Banner forgot to turn off on Netflix, I made him some dinner. He ate it all.

 

Tony STank: This story is simultaneously incredibly boring but intriguing at the same time.

Tony STank: The dog was watching TV?

 

_stephen, just bucky, and T-pose favorited Tony STank's message: "This story is simultaneously incredibly boring but intriguing..."._

 

The Strongest Avenger: I assumed so, at least.

The Strongest Avenger: Later that night, I let him into my room to sleep. I woke up to have a smoke, went back, and the dog had completely taken over my bed.

 

just bucky: im the dog

 

T-pose: same

 

screaming gay spider: same

 

The Strongest Avenger: This continued every night. I would cater him all day, he would follow me around, and he would take over my living space and I was forced to sleep on the couch out of politeness. I even got him some dog food and a dog bed, but he would not use either. It was strange.

The Strongest Avenger: Naturally, I consulted Banner about it last night, because I'm sure one of his PhD's knew what to do.

 

Tony STank: And then you figured out the problem and the story's over?

 

The Strongest Avenger: Technically.

 

stephen: Is the story almost over?

 

The Strongest Avenger: Almost.

The Strongest Avenger: While Banner was examining the dog in that science-y way of his, you will not believe what happened next.

 

screaming gay spider: what happened next

 

stephen: Did the dog turn into a horrible abomination or something bizarre and entertaining like that? Because if not, I just lost ten minutes of my life and I'd like it back.

 

The Strongest Avenger: The dog turned into Loki.

 

stephen: Well how about that?

 

_Tony STank and Steve favorited stephen's message: "Well how about that?"_

 

just bucky: wait who's loki

 

Tony STank: Wait I thought Loki was dead?

 

The Strongest Avenger: That's what I said!

 

T-pose: wait ok but when you said it was loki i had to go back and read the whole story now knowing the information and i cannot stop laughing

 

screaming gay spider: SAME

 

just bucky: who's?? loki??

 

The Strongest Avenger: God of mischief.

 

just bucky: oh, that guy

just bucky: steve told me about him

 

The Strongest Avenger: So, the entire night Loki and I were arguing about where he's been and why he waited so long

 

screaming gay spider: why did he?

 

The Strongest Avenger: Private information.

 

screaming gay spider: oh sorry

 

stephen: So, where is he now, Thor?

 

The Strongest Avenger: Oh, he's still in the apartment. He's in my bedroom and I've relocated to the living room.

 

stephen: You know he can't stay on Earth

 

The Strongest Avenger: He's changed! He's not bad anymore.

The Strongest Avenger: He and I fought side by side in defeating Hela, my sister.

 

Tony STank: Congrats I guess??

 

The Strongest Avenger: She's the Goddess of death. She tried taking over Asgard.

 

Tony STank: Oh

 

stephen: i'll give him that i guess

 

The Strongest Avenger: He even died for me.

 

Tony STank: "Died"

 

The Strongest Avenger: It was still a good deed!

 

stephen: I'm keeping an eye on him

 

screaming gay spider: hey maybe you should add him to the group chat so we can see how much he's changed

 

_Tony STank muted screaming gay spider._

 

T-pose: HEY WHO GAVE YOU MODERATOR ABILITIES

 

Tony STank: Peter

 

just bucky: u back stabbed ur own illegitimate son

 

_T-pose kicked Tony STank out of the group chat._


	3. On Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +Loki  
> +Natasha Romanoff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **sorry that this fic kept appearing and disappearing ao3 kept deleting half the fucking chapter**  
> edit: I FIGURED IT OUT I CANT USE PHUCKING EMOJIS just pretend theres emoji and peters image is the laughing crying emoji with a gun  
> if ur a fan of thor and loki interaction or natasha worshiping then this chapter is 4 u (any th*rkis in the comments and i'll astral project  
> -  
> thor's phone

**10:46 AM**

 

_The Strongest Avenger sent a message to "| || || |_"_

 

The Strongest Avenger: That's a great idea! Should I add Loki?

 

screaming gay spider: THANK YOU BUCKY FOR UNMUTING ME I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE

 

_stephen added Tony STank to "| || || |_"._

 

Tony STank: Can I have a second chance at being moderator?

 

screaming gay spider: NO

 

_screaming gay spider has changed Tony STank's nickname to MR STANK._

 

MR STANK: Understandable

 

The Strongest Avenger: Guys?

 

T-pose: lesson of the day 4 peter: don't trust ur role models

 

stephen: We're avoiding the elephant in the room

 

just bucky: really? i don't see any elephants

 

stephen: You're a riot

 

just bucky: thanks

just bucky: hey have you unblocked me yet lmao

 

_stephen favorited just bucky's message: "hey have you unblocked me yet lmao"._

 

MR STANK: Wait you blocked him?

 

stephen: He was giving me sass in PM

 

just bucky: i was _not_ giving you sass in the pms

 

stephen: Look, you're giving me sass right now, in front of all your friends

 

just bucky: WHAT

just bucky: am i really giving you sass

 

stephen: Yes.

 

just bucky: shit man im sorry

 

stephen: Apology accepted.

 

screaming gay spider: ah, don't you just love psychological manipulation

 

_just bucky and stephen favorited screaming gay spider's message: "ah, don't you just love psychological manipulation"._

 

T-pose: y'all are ridiculous

 

The Strongest Avenger: Can I add Loki or not!?

 

screaming gay spider: oh my god guys the loki thing

 

just bucky: oh shit thor i'm sorry

 

T-pose: holy shit right

T-pose: Thor baby we're so fucking sorry that we ignored you and talked over you

T-pose: let's make a pros and cons list

T-pose: pros?

 

screaming gay spider: loki actually ends up being good?

 

_The Strongest Avenger favorited screaming gay spider's message: "Loki actually ends up being good?"._

 

just bucky: i guess strange can keep a better eye on him in a gc?

 

T-pose: stephen? tony?

 

stephen: Yeah, Bucky's right

stephen: (for once)

 

_MR STANK favorited stephen's message: "(for once)"._

 

just bucky: ya mom's a hoe

 

MR STANK: Maybe the goodies in here could influence Loki to be better or something

 

just bucky: honestly all i can imagine from that is pete and steve simultaneously scolding him when he doesn't say please and thank you

 

T-pose: same dude

T-pose: uhh cons?

 

The Strongest Avenger: Loki is actually very good with manners, Barnes!

 

screaming gay spider: loki's a lying lil bitch spying on us

 

MR STANK: Easy fix. We just don't talk about missions or anything private in here.

 

just bucky: honestly i don't think there'll be any cons unless someone in here has personal beef with him?

just bucky: i mean if loki ends up being bad, yeah some of us will be upset but stephen will know right away and banish him ig

 

MR STANK: It might take a while for some of us to adjust but that may be the only con?

 

T-pose: so do we have it settled?

 

just bucky: yeah

 

MR STANK: Yes

 

stephen: Looks like it

 

screaming gay spider: yeah

 

T-pose: alright thor, you can add loki

 

The Strongest Avenger: THANK YOU!!!!!!!

 

* * *

 

**11:00 AM**

 

_The Strongest Avenger sent a private message to witch._

 

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI!!!!!

 

witch: Please, not now. I am drinking sweet tea and contemplating life's troubles. Try contacting me in five minutes.

 

The Strongest Avenger: Okay.

 

**11:06 AM**

 

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI

 

witch: I'm sorry, but you have tried contacting a minute too late. You have been put On Hold.

 

The Strongest Avenger: NO

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI

 

witch: On Hold.

 

The Strongest Avenger: ARE YOU PLAYING ELEVATOR MUSIC OVER ALEXA'S SPEAKERS

 

witch: On Hold.

 

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI PLEASE

 

witch: On Hold.

 

_1 new message from just bucky in "| || || |_": "it's been a while im getting worried"._

 

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI GOD DAMMIT

 

witch: On Hold.

 

_1 new message from valkyrie in "loki's stinky (Revengers)": "THOR WHERE'D U GO B YOU'RE MISSING IT"._

 

_1 new message from valkyrie in "loki's stinky (Revengers)": "oh and loki too i guess"._

 

_1 new message from stephen in "| || || |_": "You think Loki stabbed him?"._

 

The Strongest Avenger: LOKI I WILL STRANGLE YOU

The Strongest Avenger: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

 

witch: You have been taken Off Hold.

 

_1 new message from T-pose in "| || || |_": "mayhaps"._

 

The Strongest Avenger: THANK YOU

The Strongest Avenger: Now, would you like to join a group chat?

 

_1 new message from guac-guacamole in "loki's stinky (Revengers)": "I did it this morning I swear just give me a minute"_

 

_1 new message from valkyrie in "loki's stinky (Revengers)": "no get back in the call banner oh my god"_

 

witch: i'm already in a group chat

witch: _you're_ already in a group chat

 

_1 new message from valkyrie in "loki's stinky (Revengers)": "BANNER get back in the call before your boyfriend comes back and sees ur gone"._

 

The Strongest Avenger: No, this is a different one with different people.

 

witch: people i know?

 

The Strongest Avenger: You may recall a couple faces.

 

witch: is it the avengers

 

The Strongest Avenger: Yes.

 

witch: do they know you're trying to add me

 

The Strongest Avenger: Yes.

 

witch: and are they okay with it?

 

The Strongest Avenger: Does this look like they're okay with it?

The Strongest Avenger: _untitled_image.png_

 

witch: that's a selfie of us

 

The Strongest Avenger: I know, don't we look so charming?

 

witch: i guess?

 

The Strongest Avenger: _screenshot0617018.png_

 

witch: who's T-pose

 

The Strongest Avenger: A very funny and smart girl that reminds me a lot of our Valkyrie!

 

witch: oh boy

 

_5+ new messages from "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

The Strongest Avenger: They'd all love to meet you again!

 

witch: i'm sure they do

 

The Strongest Avenger: So, would you like to join?

 

witch: you're going to add me either way

 

* * *

 

**11:13 AM**

 

_The Strongest Avenger has added witch to "| || || |_"._

 

_T-pose sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

T-pose: welcome to mcdawnalds you wanna phucking beesechurger

 

gay screaming spider: chinnken nunget

 

just bucky: bancakes at ihob

 

witch: how can three people have clone personalities

witch: are they clones

 

stephen: That's what I've been thinking the entire time I've been here

 

MR STANK: You've been here for three hours

 

stephen: I know right

 

witch: Wait

witch: who is everybody

 

stephen: Doctor Stephen Strange, sorcerer

 

MR STANK: Tony Stark, Iron Man

 

screaming gay spider: Peter Parker, Spider-Man

 

T-pose: Shuri, shuri

 

just bucky: Bucky Barnes

just bucky: Steve is steve rogers, captain america

 

T-pose: Kitty is T'challa, Black Panther

 

MR STANK: Rocky Rhodey is James Rhodes, War Machine

 

screaming gay spider: bangtan barton is Clint Barton, Hawkeye

 

The Strongest Avenger: Birdie is Sam Wilson, Falcon

 

just bucky: i just realized sam hasn't said a single word the entire time he's been here

 

MR STANK: Sam doesn't use this app anymore

 

just bucky: wait really

just bucky: that explains why he never responds to my phucking messages

 

T-pose: well someone make him get on here again bc it's either ride or die in this gc and he aint dying

 

_just bucky favorited T-pose's message: "well someone make him get on the app..."._

 

just bucky: i'll make steve message him on imessage once he gets cell again

 

witch: wait

witch: you sound familiar, strange

 

stephen: I made you fall for half an hour and you tried attacking me with knives

 

MR STANK: WHAT

 

witch: yeahhhhh

 

The Strongest Avenger: I remember that!

 

witch: happy reunion?

 

stephen: Happy Reunion!

 

T-pose: upon adding loki i just realized there's still a shit ton of people we need to add to the group chat

 

just bucky: i like loki so far and all but im lowkey disappointed that we added the god of mischief before we added natasha

just bucky: and by lowkey i mean highkey

 

loki: you too i guess

 

_bucky favorited loki's message: "you too i guess"._

 

T-pose: well go add natasha

 

just bucky: i don't have natasha's contact

 

T-pose: does anyone here have natasha's contact

T-pose: tony don't you

 

MR STANK: I deleted it a couple years back after you-know-what

 

just bucky: petty move but same

 

screaming gay spider: i think steve has it

 

T-pose: well go tell steve to add natasha or bucky will literally die

 

screaming gay spider: ok

 

stephen: Who else do we still need to add?

 

just bucky: natasha

 

T-pose: we know bucky

 

MR STANK: Wanda

 

screaming gay spider: hulk

 

The Strongest Avenger: Banner isn't interested in joining the group chat.

 

MR STANK: I personally love how after Ultron Bruce pretends to not have an association with us

 

The Strongest Avenger: He says it's not that.

 

MR STANK: I'm sure it's not

 

witch: wait are u and bruce in the same room rn

 

The Strongest Avenger: Yes, why?

 

_The Strongest Avenger sent a private message to witch: "Please turn the music off"._

 

_witch sent a private message to The Strongest Avenger: "alexa play good old fashioned lover boy by queen"._

 

just bucky: hey you wanna know who we should add? scott lang

 

MR STANK: Lol who's that guy

 

T-pose: mood

 

just bucky: hey leave him alone

 

MR STANK: He's not even in the group chat

 

stephen: Uhh there's that Vision guy

 

T-pose: guardians of the galaxy

 

MR STANK: Do they even have phones?

 

T-pose: i hope so

 

stephen: Does anyone even have their contacts?

 

screaming gay spider: i have quill's

 

T-pose: of course you do

 

screaming gay spider: haven't messaged him since titan though :/

 

MR STANK: Wait, were you two just exchanging contacts mid battle?

 

screaming gay spider: well where else would we do it

 

just bucky: what a mood

 

T-pose: god this group chat is going to be packed

 

bangtan barton: wait are y'all tryna add nat

 

just bucky: YES

 

bangtan barton: why didn't u guys just tell me

 

_bangtan barton added Nat★ to "| || || |_"_

 

just bucky: QUEEN ur getting mod abilities u deserve it

 

T-pose: LOVE U

 

Nat★: Hey Bucky!!

Nat★: I'm going to assume you're Shuri?

 

T-pose: yeah thats me i luv u

 

screaming gay spider: can you guess who i am

screaming gay spider: you won't

 

 _Nat★ has changed screaming gay spider's nickname to "_ _little spider"._

 

_Nat★ has changed their nickname to "Big Spider"._

 

little spider: OMG

little spider: OMGM SDDSKL

 

Big Spider: You're Spider-Man

 

little spider: BLACK WIDOW KNOWS IM SPIDER-MAN

 

bangtan barton: this group chat is now eternally blessed

 

Big Spider: How've you been, Clint?

 

bangtan barton: pretty good for the most part

 

just bucky: why did half the people originally talking just die

 

bangtan barton: wdym

 

just bucky: thor, loki, tony and stephen all just collectively went idle without warning

 

Big Spider: Wait, Loki is in here?

 

T-pose: yeah

 

Big Spider: ...Can I ask why?

 

just bucky: he had a personality glo up

 

_T-pose, little spider, and bangtan barton liked just bucky's message: "he had a personality glo up"._

 

Big Spider: Wdym?

 

just bucky: character development i guess

 

T-pose: mood

T-pose: wait guys t-bone's back brb

 

Big Spider: I'll take that

 

little spider: jEsus i just teleported to the compound what

 

just bucky: you can teleport?

 

little spider: no.

 

just bucky: ur illegit dad bring u there?

 

_deleted message from little spider._

 

just bucky: ASKFHESDKJ

 

Big Spider: Wait, what? :joy: 

 

just bucky: it's official

 

bangtan barton: WAIT WHAT DID HE SAY

 

witch: wait what's going on why are u guys freaking out

 

just bucky: dumb joke

just bucky: anyway whered u fukin go

 

witch: well i'm in an apartment with a broken speaker and 2 very embarrassed partners

 

little spider: oh is that where thor's been

 

Big Spider: Partners? Did Thor and Bruce finally tie the knot?

 

bangtan barton: soon hopefully

 

just bucky: nat ur unironic use of the crying emoji has me dead

 

Big Spider: Studies show that people who use emojis regularly are generally happier

 

just bucky: i know you made that up on the spot but considering the mental state of everyone in this group chat, you're probably right

 

_bangtan barton, Big Spider,, little spider, and witch favorited just bucky's message: " i know you made that up on the..."_

 

stephen: Honestly that fake fact applies to this group chat

 

just bucky: ew ur back

 

stephen: ew you're still here

 

little spider: so does that mean if i start using emojis then i'll finally be happy

 

_just bucky, witch, Big Spider and bangtan barton favorited little spider's message: "so does that mean if i start using emojis…"._

 

just bucky: PHATTEST MOOD

 

Big Spider: Perhaps.

 

little spider: _image.png_

 

_bangtan barton, witch and just bucky favorited little spider's message: "image.png"._

 

just bucky: god same

 

stephen: Jesus Christ same but are you guys okay

 

witch: it varies from moment to moment

 

bangtan barton: mood

 

just bucky: me

 

little spider: kin

 

MR STANK: Do I need to get you guys a therapist?

 

little spider: ur back

 

bangtan barton: i can't believe _tony fucking stark_ is asking _us_ if we need a therapist

 

just bucky: hoe don't do it

 

_MR STANK has left the group chat._


	4. Zach stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +Peter Quill  
> +Scott Lang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peter's phone  
> 

**12:13 PM**

 

_just bucky has added MR STANK back to "| || || |_"._

 

_just bucky sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: you HOE you did it

 

MR STANK: :////

 

little spider: y'all roasting him too much he can't take it guys

 

bangtan barton: roasting levels will be decreased

 

witch: he's soft uwu

 

little spider: NO UWU CULTURE

 

_Kitty, T-pose and just bucky favorited little spider's message: "NO UWU CULTURE"._

 

just bucky: YOU IDIOTS ARE FINALLY BACK

 

Kitty: Love you too xoxo

 

T-pose: yeah can u believe it

 

stephen: Ah, yes, the Wakandan royalty is back!

stephen: We can now have a nice typical American dinner.

 

_little spider, just bucky, T-pose, bangtan barton, Kitty, witch, Big Spider and MR STANK favorited stephen's message: "We can now have a nice typical…"_

 

MR STANK: OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU

 

Kitty: WOW

 

T-pose: stephen's the real mvp guys

 

_stephen, MR STANK, little spider, and just bucky favorited T-pose's message: "stephen's the real mvp guys"_

 

just bucky: well if it's an american dinner we gotta act like it's an american dinner

 

little spider: can someone pass the chipotle

little spider: i love chipotle…

 

bangtan barton: i got some chicken strips

 

just bucky: fuck ya chicken strips

 

T-pose: mmm chicken

 

Kitty: Nice typical American dinner cancelled

 

little spider: and to think i thought you were the life of the party

 

just bucky: go back to doing king royalty stuff meanie

 

Kitty: Go back to doing farm chores smh

 

just bucky: fuck you i love feeding the goats and gathering hay

 

little spider: bucky i didnt know ur a farmer

 

MR STANK: A former HYDRA super soldier in a field with goats is actually a pretty funny mental image

 

stephen: You think he named the goats?

 

just bucky: stop don't make it personal

 

stephen: It already _is_ personal

 

just bucky: well make it _un_ personal

just bucky: or shift whose interests are being violated and mocked and ridiculed

just bucky: hey stark

 

MR STANK: No don't even say anything this time

 

just bucky: ok

 

**4:32 PM**

 

_T-pose sent a message to "| || || |_"_

 

T-pose: love how this group chat died when bucky shut the fuck up'd

 

just bucky: xoxo

 

little spider: gen z culture is watching vine comps to distract u from ur responsibilities

 

just bucky: mood

 

T-pose: me

T-pose: which one u watchin b

 

little spider: vines 4 sad teens

 

The Strongest Avenger: If you'd like, Peter, I could get you some of the finest plants to cheer up your sadness!

little spider: what

little spider: OH ASJKDWJKASL

 

T-pose: thor sweetie….

 

just bucky: no no no not vines as in plants

just bucky: here what do u think a vine is

 

The Strongest Avenger: A long stem-like plant where various foods grow on. Unless there's another definition?

 

just bucky: yeah like

just bucky: completely different

 

little spider: basically they're these really short video clips that people watch in a compilation

 

The Strongest Avenger: Compilation?

 

T-pose: it's where u put about 50-150 of those short clips together in a single video

T-pose: that's the most common range

 

just bucky: u gotta make sure u click on a GOOD vine comp though

 

The Strongest Avenger: I'm not quite sure I understand.

 

little spider: ok u know what youtube is right

 

The Strongest Avenger: Yes, I watch it frequently!

 

little spider: ok so what u wanna do is follow these guidelines when picking a vine comp

little spider: 1. the video has to have been uploaded in late 2016 at least

 

The Strongest Avenger: Okay.

 

just bucky: 2. it has to be a bizarre title, i.e. "vines that butter my eggroll," "vines that keep me from ending it all," "vines that cure my depression

just bucky: if it says any of these phrases in the title, your lost: "2015 funniest vines," "EPIC FAIL XD," "CATS GET ANGRY AT OWNER," "Cutest Vines"

 

The Strongest Avenger: Vines seem very important to you guys considering how seriously you take them, and that they're the reason you're not dead! They must be very good.

 

T-pose: see, thor gets it

T-pose: 3. you don't have to follow this one, but it needs to have a good view count

 

little spider: good view count as in 200,000+ views

 

The Strongest Avenger: I think I understand.

The Strongest Avenger: I'm watching one right now, actually!

 

T-pose: name

 

little spider: name

 

just bucky: i need a name

 

The Strongest Avenger: "Vines that will never die."

 

T-pose: yeah thats a good one

 

little spider: hey bucky u wanna know what vine reminds me of u

 

just bucky: if it's the nazi one i swear to fuckin god

 

little spider: wait what

 

T-pose: when he had first been idk Defrosted he spent a few days outside and one time at night i saw him doing smth with the stars

T-pose: he had a hand held up to the sky and he kept moving it to measure the stars and at some point his hand stuck straight up

T-pose: so i just appeared out of nowhere and said "stop, you look like a nazi" and he got very offended and i had to bring him inside to show him vine comps

T-pose: and then pretty much afterwards he would tell me a new vine or meme or smth but one that Never Dies is the you look like a nazi one

 

little spider: THATS how he's so advanced in meme culture

 

just bucky: love how as soon as i got unfrozen shuri shoved memes in my direction left and right and now im pretty much a gen z

just bucky: now what was the vine

 

little spider: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21jTCArOIhM

 

just bucky: accurate

just bucky: oh btw clint told me 2 inform u all that more people may be joining the group chat fairly soon

 

little spider: OH FUCK I NEED TO TEXT THE GOTG

 

_little spider sent a private message to 80s daddy: "heyyyyy peter"._

 

_80s daddy sent a private message to little spider: "whats up peter"._

 

_80s daddy sent a private message to little spider: "long time no see"._

 

just bucky: wait isnt the fuckign raccoon one of em

 

little spider: yeah why

 

_little spider sent a private message to 80s daddy: "woah u text back fast"._

 

just bucky: he was weird

 

_little spider sent a private message to 80s daddy: "u wanna join a gc it's basically everyone who fought on titan"._

 

_80s daddy sent a private message to little spider: "sure lil dude i thought they all died tho"._

 

just bucky: he asked for my arm

just bucky: i said no

just bucky: he said he was gonna get it whether i liked it or not

 

_little spider has added 80s daddy to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: i felt violated and personally victimized

just bucky: oh shit hey

 

T-pose: wow bucky way to set a first impression on the new guy

 

80s daddy: wuss poppin bimbo

 

just bucky: oh no you're more advanced in meme culture than me

 

bangtan barton: speaking of new guys

 

_bangtan barton has added VERY VERY small to "| || || |_"._

 

VERY VERY small: wait what"s going on

 

just bucky: holy shit it's ant-man guys

 

VERY VERY small: wait, is this a group chat for the avengers? am i an avenger?

VERY VERY small: is the group name like a code? the lines?

VERY VERY small: shoot i need to look professional

 

_VERY VERY small has changed their nickname to just scott._

 

just bucky: fucking love this kid

 

80s daddy: ur an avenger in my heart

 

just scott: so i'm not an avenger?

just scott: like, a real avenger?

 

T-pose: @MR STANK scott bby wants to know if he's a real avenger

 

MR STANK: Honestly, I stopped keeping track

MR STANK: I don't even know who this guy is

 

just bucky: joke's dead mr stnak smh

 

just scott: i'll take that

 

T-pose: stnak

 

80s daddy: wait YOU are tony stark ok

 

MR STANK: Wait, who are you?

 

little spider: he's big peter mr stark

 

80s daddy: yeah man i'm big peter

 

MR STANK: Doesn't ring a bell

 

little spider: remember when he threatened to shoot me it was so cool

 

MR STANK: Oh! You're _that_ Peter

 

little spider: Happy Reunion…?

 

MR STANK: Happy Reunion

 

80s daddy: happy reunion!

 

little spider: happy reunion!!!!!!!

_stephen favorited little spider's message: "remember when he threatened to shoot me it…"._

 

just bucky: oh stephen when did u get here

 

stephen: Aw no I was here the whole time

 

just bucky: oh shit

just bucky: is anyone else here just quietly stalking this conversation

 

Big Spider: Me

 

witch: me

 

The Strongest Avenger: Me.

 

just bucky: i've awakened the hivemind

 

_Big Spider, stephen, and T-pose favorited just bucky's message: "i've awakened the hivemind"._

 

little spider: i now feel like it's been like this the whole time rather than people just not being interested in the gc

 

T-pose: i know right

 

bangtan barton: i now feel incredibly embarrassed

 

little spider: mood

 

just bucky: it be like that sometimes

 

_bangtan barton liked just bucky's message: "it be like that sometimes"._

 

bangtan barton: i'll drink to that

 

80s daddy: same

 

little spider: hey big peter

 

80s daddy: hey lil peter

 

little spider: do any of the other guardians have a phone or is it just u

 

80s daddy: technically we all share this phone but i don't think they know this app exists

 

witch: imagine one of them discovering the app and finding this group chat

 

MR STANK: I don't like that thought

 

just bucky: i second that

 

stephen: Me too

 

80s daddy: me three honestly

 

little spider: dreaming about rocket raccoon threatening bucky via text and waking up in a cold sweat

 

_80s daddy favorited little spider's message: "dreaming about rocket raccoon threatening bucky via text…"._

 

just bucky: me

just bucky: that raccoon lowkey intimidates me though ngl

 

80s daddy: you aren't the only one

 

_just bucky favorited 80s daddy's message: "you aren't the only one"._

 

**9:36 PM**

 

_80s daddy sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

80s daddy: i just finished binge-watching s1 of stranger things i'm going 2 fuckign weep

 

just bucky: i have never seen the stranger things

 

The Strongest Avenger: Banner loves that show!

 

T-pose: st is the reason i'm alive tbh

 

stephen: I binge-watched it with a couple friends about a month back

 

just bucky: !!!!! you have friends?????

 

stephen: You best be quiet before I launch you across time and space

 

little spider: yeah bucky u best be quiet before houdini yeets you

 

_just bucky and 80s daddy favorited T-pose's message: "yeah bucky u best be quiet before houdini…"._

 

just bucky: time is a relative concept that has no beginning or end and can only be understood in a theoretical sense by fictional measurements developed by mere mortals, most of whom are white men, who believe they're more advanced than their own species simply because they have a few papers signed by big guys up top with their names on them

just bucky: also space is a growing continuum that cannot be traveled across or explored

 

stephen: I beg your pardon?

 

T-pose: wow bucky where'd u get ur phd

 

just bucky: the university of nihilism and pop culture references

 

_T-pose and little spider favorited just bucky's message: "the university of nihilism and pop culture references"._

 

80s daddy: i think i'm going to fit in well with this gc

 

_T-pose, stephen, and just bucky favorited 80s daddy's message: "i think i'm going to fit in well…"._

 

MR STANK: Jesus what happened here

 

stephen: I'm not quite sure honestly

 

just bucky: houdini is #shooketh

 

_80s daddy, MR STANK, and T-pose favorited just bucky's message: "houdini is shooketh"._

 

stephen: Do Not

stephen: call me houdini

 

just bucky: or what

 

T-pose: zach stop

 

just bucky: u gonna yeet me

 

The Strongest Avenger: You're gonna get in trouble.

 

little spider: za-

little spider: zach,,,?

 

80s daddy: bucky just went idle

 

The Strongest Avenger: Miss Keisha…?

 

80s daddy: miss keisha

 

MR STANK: Stephen, what did you do?

 

stephen: Did you know his mother almost had a miscarriage?

 

T-pose: _WHAT_

 

stephen: I'm kidding!

 

MR STANK: WHAT DID YOU DO

 

stephen: I didn't do anything!!

 

just bucky: oh naw he didn't do anything i just went to get some water lol

 

stephen: Oh, I get it. Faking your absence right when I became suspicious.

 

just bucky: mayhaps but at least i'm hydrated

 

_The Strongest Avenger, 80s daddy and T-pose favorited just bucky's message: "mayhaps but at least i'm hydrated"._

 

T-pose: smh u almost gave me a heart attack

 

just bucky: xoxo

 

80s daddy: y'all i just spent all day fighting space aliens and i am Absolutely Whipped

80s daddy: i'm calling it a day ttyl

 

just bucky: gn daddy

 

MR STANK: Oh, goodnight

 

stephen: Goodnight

 

The Strongest Avenger: Goodnight!

 

T-pose: u absolute fool it's five in the morning 4 me and i haven't gone to sleep yet

T-pose: gn though

 

just bucky: step the fuck up kyle i haven't slept in two days

 

T-pose: for real

 

just bucky: yeah

just bucky: i mean earlier when the chat was dead i had a twenty minute power nap

 

stephen: My concern is that you're able to not sleep for 48 hours and when you _do_ get to go to sleep, your body lets itself wake up in _twenty minutes_

 

MR STANK: One time I hadn't slept for a couple days and I decided I'll take a quick nap, I woke up fourteen hours later having slept past three different alarms

 

just bucky: well that's because y'all are basic

 

T-pose: mood

T-pose: maybe hydra implanted that or smth idk

 

just bucky: ya i was taught to go up to a week w/o sleep fuck

 

MR STANK: Hmm

 

The Strongest Avenger: I will be going to bed. Goodnight! I will see you tomorrow.

 

MR STANK: Goodnight

just bucky: gn

 

T-pose: don't let the bedbugs suck all the nutrients out of ur flesh chambers

 

MR STANK: I considered staying up and talking to you guys but after reading that I think I'm just going to go to bed too

 

just bucky: no ur staying

 

T-pose: go to bed and u won't wake up in the morning

 

MR STANK: What if I just

 

_MR STANK has left the group chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbfh i didn't like this chapter a lot?? idk i kept rewriting it and it just didn't turn out the way i liked it. sorry if it ended up being unfunny/cringy/uninteresting or w/e  
> please comment what u liked about the chapter and feel free to request scenarios hehe!!! also comment what you didn't like about the chapter im a baby but i want ur guys' input  
> also shoutout to katsudone_withyou for requesting that bucky, shuri, and peter teach thor about vines!!


	5. Telescope (Interlude I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iMessage  
> -Tony Stark  
> -Stephen Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw ur boyfriend sends u a self-deprecating drunk text :////  
> \--  
> this isn't an actual chapter but i felt like writing this to give a little more insight to tony's and stephen's closeted relationship. you won't miss anything if you don't feel like reading ironstrange so don't worry  
> -  
> tony's phone  
> 

**1:46 AM**

 

Tony Stark: i can't sleep

 

❤ Stephen: Me neither

❤ Stephen: Everything okay?

 

Tony Stark: are you okay?

 

❤ Stephen: Too much coffee too late

 

Tony Stark: you always do that

 

❤ Stephen: Haha

❤ Stephen: Seriously, what's wrong babe?

 

Tony Stark: it's one of those nights

Tony Stark: thinking too much

Tony Stark: drunk

 

❤ Stephen: Do you want me to come over?

 

Tony Stark: i'll be fine

Tony Stark: besides, don't you have work to do with Wong tonight?

 

❤ Stephen: We have another guy

 

Tony Stark: you're always the one to the job, though

Tony Stark: actually, i don't think i've ever heard you say "we have another guy"

Tony Stark: i mean, you're _stephen strange_

 

❤ Stephen: I'm also _your boyfriend_

 

Tony Stark: you make me so fucking weak, you know that?

 

❤ Stephen: I try

 

Tony Stark: god i don't deserve you

 

❤ Stephen: Don't you dare say that

 

Tony Stark: i'm saying it

Tony Stark: you do so fucking much for me and you're so sweet to me and you try so hard to make time for me and all i offer in return is a closeted relationship and nights like these

 

❤ Stephen: Stop it with the drunk talk, Tony

❤ Stephen: You're not giving yourself any credit at all

❤ Stephen: First of all, you haven't had a night like this since we both started dating, Jesus Christ

❤ Stephen:  Second of all, who's the one who plans the dates? Pays the check? Cooks dinner? Goes out of their way to make their disabled partner's life as easy as possible? Gives me a reason to wake up in the morning?

 

Tony Stark: who's the one that's keeping our relationship from being public

 

❤ Stephen: You're being such a pile of shit to yourself right now, it's unbelievable

 

Tony Stark: it's what i'm best at

 

❤ Stephen: What you're best at is being an amazing boyfriend

 

Tony Stark: ehhh you could've done better

 

❤ Stephen: Maybe, but I chose you :)

 

Tony Stark: xoxo i guess

 

❤ Stephen: ❤❤❤

 

Tony Stark: ❤❤❤

Tony Stark: but seriously

Tony Stark: i feel like a piece of shit for being so hush hush about our relationship

Tony Stark: it makes it seem like i'm embarrassed to be with you

 

❤ Stephen: It's okay to not be ready yet and you know that

 

Tony Stark: i feel like i should've been ready a long time ago

Tony Stark: but here we are, coming in at three months and only what, 3 people know? 4?

Tony Stark: if i wasn't so fucking terrified i'd be screaming to the world _"stephen strange is my fucking boyfriend whether you like it or not"_

 

❤ Stephen: All that matters to me is the fact that you _want_ to do that

_Read 2:14 AM._

 

❤ Stephen: You still there?

 

Tony Stark: yeah i'm just baffled on how i managed to get someone like you in my life i feel like i cheated

 

❤ Stephen: You used a sketchy cheat code you found online and I was the prize

❤ Stephen: Hey, you remember when you got that telescope and you invited me to test it out with you?

❤ Stephen: And you wanted to get to the ledge of this one mountain so we could get the best view

 

Tony Stark: and we spent forty-five minutes looking because i forgot which ledge it was

 

❤ Stephen: You were so frustrated

❤ Stephen: You swore the car's A.I. out

 

Tony Stark: yeah

Tony Stark: and when we finally go to the spot, it took almost an hour putting the telescope together because you kept dropping the screws

 

❤ Stephen: That was _not_ my fault

 

Tony Stark: but you wouldn't stop smiling

 

❤ Stephen: And when we finally put it together, you were so worried that the telescope wouldn't work and that the whole trip was for nothing

 

Tony Stark: it wasn't, though

Tony Stark: and when the telescope did work, we looked at every star in the sky

Tony Stark: you were able to point out and name every single constellation

Tony Stark: and you started talking about what it would be like to see the planets in june up on the ledge

Tony Stark: and we were there for nearly three hours, but the entire time it felt like five minutes

 

❤ Stephen: And there was that small moment near the end of the stargazing when I was just quietly looking through the telescope

❤ Stephen: You were standing next to me, looking down at the trees

 

Tony Stark: and then i confessed

 

❤ Stephen: And then you confessed

 

Tony Stark: it was just an "i love you" but when you continued to look through the telescope i was so terrified

Tony Stark: but then you quietly held my hand and told me you loved me back

Tony Stark: and we just stayed like that when it was time to go

 

❤ Stephen: You forgot the best part

❤ Stephen: When I pulled away from the telescope and told you that you were the most beautiful thing I'd see all night

 

Tony Stark: dork

 

❤ Stephen: Nerd

 

Tony Stark: Okay, I lied

Tony Stark: I need you over right now

 

❤ Stephen: Woah there, Mr. Capslock

❤ Stephen: Pepper still on her trip? Does she know I'll be over?

 

Tony Stark: You know I still ask her if it's okay to hold your hand even though she voices time and time again that she encourages it

Tony Stark: She already gave me the heads-up that we can do whatever we want while she's gone as long as she gets to hog me for the weekend she gets back

 

❤ Stephen: Whatever we want?

 

Tony Stark: You alright with that?

 

❤ Stephen: Literally why wouldn't I be

❤ Stephen: I'm your boyfriend and we haven't had sex in like 2 days

 

_Tony Stark (You) reacted to ❤  Stephen's message with a Thumbs Down Sign emoji._

 

❤ Stephen: Just let me tell the Other Guy and I'll be over in a snap

 

Tony Stark: Hey, Stephen?

 

❤ Stephen: Hey, Tony?

 

Tony Stark: I love you

 

❤ Stephen: I love you too ❤

❤ Stephen: I'll see you soon

 

Tony Stark: WAIT A SECOND

 

❤ Stephen: ?

 

Tony Stark: THE TELESCOPE WAS THE CHEAT CODE

 

❤ Stephen: Oh my god you're going to hurt yourself before I even make it across the portal


	6. T-pose Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  -peter's phone  
> 

**10:02 PM**

 

_just bucky added MR STANK to "| || || |_"._

 

_just bucky sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

just bucky: mr stank i Swear 2 God

just bucky: u know what? you've been upgraded

 

_just bucky has changed MR STANK's nickname to "problematic fave"._

 

T-pose: BUCKY

 

problematic fave: Ouch

 

just bucky: u earned it

 

_T-pose has changed problematic fave's nickname to mr snark._

 

stephen: I think that's the most accurate name you've given him so far, actually

 

_mr snark, T-pose, and just bucky favorited stephen's message: "I think that's the most accurate name you've…"_

 

mr snark: Xoxo

  


**9:00 AM**

 

_1 new message from Vision: Happy T-pose Tuesday!_

_2 new messages from Vision: "image0001.jpeg"._

_3 new messages from Vision: "image0002.jpeg"._

_4 new messages fromVision: "image0003.jpeg"._

_5+ new messages from Vision._

 

_bangtan barton sent a message to "| || || |_"._

 

bangtan barton: hey can someone do me a favor and tell me what the actual fuck is happening

 

_10+ new messages from Vision._

 

Big Spider: Yeah, same

  


_25+ new messages from Vision._

 

T-pose: what's going on?

 

bangtan barton: i know you know

 

T-pose: i really don't know what you're talking about

 

_50+ new messages from Vision._

 

Big Spider: Well

 

_75+ new messages from Vision._

 

Big Spider: Vision just told me "Happy T-pose Tuesday!" and proceeded to spam my private messages with random 3D models in said pose

Big Spider: My inbox is 75+ rn

 

T-pose: oh, that

 

bangtan barton: yeah, that

bangtan barton: care to explain?

 

_100+ new messages from Vision._

 

T-pose: well before Titan happened, i saved and uploaded vision's conscience

 

bangtan barton: uh huh

 

T-pose: and you remember how you guys asked for him back, i said "i'm working on him, give me a few days"

 

Big Spider: Yes

 

T-pose: i added some extra features to him

T-pose: and now, every tuesday, he sends a message to the avengers that says "happy t-pose tuesday!" and proceeds to fill their inbox with t-poses

 

_150+ new messages from Vision._

 

bangtan barton: you're a riot

 

T-pose: thanks

 

Big Spider: So when does he stop?

 

T-pose: i can't answer that question i'm sorry

 

bangtan barton: oh my god

 

Big Spider: What other features did you add?

Big Spider: Shuri?

 

T-pose: it's best if you don't know

 

bangtan barton: SHURI

 

_200+ new messages from Vision._

 

_250+ new messages from Vision._

 

_500+ new messages from Vision._

  
  


**10:02 AM**

 

_1000+ new messages from Vision._

 

_little spider sent a message to "| || || |_"_

 

little spider: oh my god shuri all the pinging woke me up thanks

 

T-pose: <3

T-pose: TONY WENT ON NO NOTIFICATIONS MODE AKDSJFDSL

 

little spider: HONESTLY SAME MR STARK

 

just bucky: imagine steve getting cell again and his phone is just exploding with vision sending him t-poses

 

T-pose: mood

 

bangtan barton: lord have mercy on his soul

 

_bangtan barton has renamed the group chat "T-pose Tuesday"._

 

Kitty: I swear you four are the worst in here

 

bangtan barton: yeah maybe so but who's the WORST worst

 

T-pose: i know we're all thinking the same person

 

just bucky: hey guys! :)

 

T-pose: hey bucky!!!! :)

 

Kitty: Hi :)

 

bangtan barton: hope you're having a good morning :)

 

little spider: how's it goin buck :)

 

stephen: Shuri is a _very close_ second

 

Kitty: I agree

 

T-pose: well of course YOU would

 

Kitty: :)

 

T-pose: :)

 

_1500+ new messages from Vision._

 

bangtan barton: you know what i'm just going to block vision

bangtan barton: i'm past 1500 messages

 

little spider: me too

 

_Vision has been temporarily blocked from sending private messages to little spider._

 

just bucky: i love how it's _just_ the official avengers

 

T-pose: i thought about making vision do it to you too just for the giggles

 

just bucky: hoe

 

T-pose: but i didn't

 

just bucky: still a hoe

 

_stephen, bangtan barton, T-pose, and little spider favorited just bucky's message: "still a hoe"._

 

T-pose: hey do you guys think it would be a bad idea to let vision join the group

 

bangtan barton: YES IT WOULD

 

just bucky: wait until wednesday my dude

 

little spider: god i can't wait until wednesday my dudes

 

bangtan barton: simultaneously the best and worst t-pose tuesday i've ever experienced

 

little spider: god same

 

just bucky: there's still more t-pose tuesdays to come

 

bangtan barton: hush

 

just bucky: yes sir

  


**2:33 PM**

 

_Steve sent a message to "T-pose Tuesday"._

 

Steve: Please, I am begging for this to stop

Steve: I finally find a safe house and my messages EXPLODE

Steve: What does T-pose even mean??

 

little spider: T

 

T-pose: T

 

bangtan barton: T

 

just bucky: T

just bucky: also hey steve i missed u

 

80s daddy: jesus did the first t-pose

 

_just bucky, T-pose, little spider, and bangtan barton favorited 80s daddy's message: "jesus did the first T-pose"._

 

Steve: I missed you, too, Bucky ♥

Steve: And what??? Is??? T-pose?????

 

80s daddy: [ image3.png ](https://pics.me.me/the-bible-app-s-free-tw-wuss-poppin-jimbo-32763683.png)

 

Steve: WHAT!???

 

_just bucky, T-pose, bangtan barton, and little spider favorited 80s daddy's message: "image3.png"._

 

little spider: big peter is one of us now, guys

 

_80s daddy favorited little spider's message: "big peter is one of us now, guys"._

 

Steve: Is this one of your guys' memes???

 

just bucky: Yes.

just bucky: or, as you put it, "may-meh's"

 

little spider: OH MY GOD

 

T-pose: MAYMAYS

 

80s daddy: me-me's

 

bangtan barton: steve is just an old grandpa leave him alone guys

 

Steve: Excuse me??

 

T-pose: HE should be the one in a retirement home

 

Steve: I am right here???? You are talking about me in my face??????????

 

just bucky: it's okay stevie u may be old but ur still valid

 

Steve: Valid in what context???

 

_80s daddy, just bucky, T-pose, little spider, and bangtan barton favorited Steve's message: "Valid in what context???"._

 

bangtan barton: Me

 

80s daddy: mood

 

T-pose: kin

 

just bucky: god same

 

Steve: Why do you guys keep saying that whenever someone says or does something?

 

T-pose: how do we even explain this

T-pose: like how do we explain this in way he'll understand

 

just bucky: i really don't know

 

little spider: it's like

little spider: when someone says or does something you relate to, you say that

little spider: any of those sayings

 

Steve: How is asking "Valid in what context?" relatable?

 

little spider: well

little spider: oh my god how do i explain this

 

80s daddy: it's built on years of self-deprecation turned to humor on the internet

 

Steve: How does that relate to self-deprecation, though?

 

just bucky: HOW CAN THIS BE EXPLAINED

 

bangtan barton: cryptic humor

 

Steve: Cryptic humor?

Steve: I didn't know humor can be cryptic

 

80s daddy: anything can be cryptic, Steven

 

Steve: Do I know you?

 

80s daddy: i can't remember

80s daddy: do i know you

 

Steve: I don't know

 

T-pose: honestly the more we try to explain our humor the less it makes sense to myself

 

just bucky: same

 

little spider: me too

 

T-pose: and i thought teaching thor, a 1500 year old god, vines was difficult

 

just bucky: no one can beat the silent generation in not understanding jackshit

 

_T-pose, 80s daddy, little spider, and bangtan barton favorited just bucky's message: "no one can beat the silent generation in not…"._

 

Steve: You say that as a Silent Gen

 

just bucky: no i'm gen z

 

80s daddy: #borninthewronggen

 

little spider: stranger things fans

 

_80s daddy and just bucky favorited little spider's message: "stranger things fans"._

 

T-pose: [ reactionpic_37.jpg ](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/PXNe7vVTnkw/maxresdefault.jpg)

 

_little spider and just bucky favorited T-pose's message: "reactionpic_37.jpg"._

 

bangtan barton: jesus how many reaction pics do you have

 

T-pose: coming in at 50

T-pose: i know what every single one of them are

 

just bucky: oh my god

 

Steve: What does that picture mean?? Is it a meme?

 

little spider: it means Why Would You Say Something So Controversial Yet So Brave

 

just bucky: it's a gif of the guy saying that and it's been used so much that people just Know when they see that guy

 

Steve: Oh! Alright then

 

**2:34 PM**

 

_little spider sent a message to "T-pose Tuesday"._

 

little spider: regularly says fuck - bucky, shuri, me, clint

little spider: says fuck but will deny it if you ask - mr stark, stephen, rhodey, big peter, loki

little spider: has not said fuck before, but can if so desired - natasha, t'challa, wanda, sam

little spider: has not said fuck before and refuses to say it - steve, vision

little spider: legally cannot say fuck - thor, scott

little spider: @everyone hey guys i need your opinion on this

 

mr snark: I sure have an opinion on you dropping the F-Bomb five times in a row.

 

little spider: don't act like u don't say it mr. stark

little spider: i've been over to the compound

little spider: I've Seen You Drunk

 

mr snark: Hush

 

_little spider and stephen favorited mr. snark's message: "Hush"._

 

T-pose: i see ur off no notifications mode

 

mr snark: I just blocked Vision about an hour ago

 

stephen: I can't believe it's gotten so bad that the Avengers have to resort to blocking Vision

 

just bucky: ikr

 

Kitty: I feel spiritually connected to my option

 

_T-pose favorited Kitty's message: "I feel spiritually connected to my option"._

 

Big Spider: "-If so desired" carries such a strong energy and I'm not quite sure why

 

just bucky: ikr

 

80s daddy: little peter, regarding ur lil observation i say fuck and i'm proud move me up

 

little spider: yes sir

 

bangtan barton: ur absolutely right

 

just scott: you're right i legally cannot say f*ck

just scott: every time i try to say it, a demon incorporates itself in my body and possesses me

 

_T-pose, mr. snark, just bucky, bangtan barton, and little spider favorited just scott's message: "every time i try to say it, a demon…"._

 

just bucky: surprise surprise, steve actually says fuck but will deny it if you ask

 

little spider: REALLY

little spider: YOU'RE KIDDING

 

just bucky: i was in a skype call w/ him last week and he went smth like "all these fUckin timezones" and "i miss you SOF CUKGIN MUCH"

 

80s daddy: mood

 

T-pose: all these fUckin timezones and i still can't find a boo

 

_little spider, Kitty and just bucky favorited T-pose's message: "all these fUckin timezones and i still can't…"._

 

Steve: You were supposed to leave out that last bit

 

just bucky: guess i didn't

 

little spider: no homo

 

bangtan barton: just a couple of homies missing each other dearly

 

just bucky: just a couple of dudes being guys

just bucky: just a couple of guys being dudes

just bucky: just a couple of dudes steve told me to stop

 

T-pose: LMAO

 

80s daddy: fighting the urge to not finish the vine for steve's sake

 

bangtan barton: sh...show….show m...me….

 

little spider: y...yuoe...your di…..c….di

 

just bucky: guys

 

bangtan barton: yes sir

 

little spider: sorry

 

just bucky: ty

 

little spider: wait hey steve

 

Steve: Yes?

 

little spider: do you know what a vine even is

 

Steve: I'm going to say no.

 

little spider: nevermind then carry on

 

Steve: Is it a meme?

 

T-pose: sure

 

80s daddy: this poor man needs to be educated in meme culture

 

bangtan barton: i'm afraid it's too late, peter

bangtan barton: It's Too Late

 

80s daddy: what a shame

 

just bucky: wait steve you said you were in a safe house didn't you

 

Steve: Yes, why?

 

just bucky: that means u can videocall me b

 

Steve: Oh, right! Give me a minute

 

just bucky: ok

just bucky: @everyone bye hoes

 

stephen: Oh thank god

 

T-pose: love u too!!!!!

 

little spider: smh when ur squad member leaves the match early

 

_80s daddy and bangtan barton favorited little spider's message: "smh when ur squad member leaves the match…"._

 

T-pose: can't relate

 

little spider: normie

 

mr snark: Have fun with your heterosexual activities, Mr. Barnes

 

_T-pose, 80s daddy, bangtan barton, little spider, stephen, and Kitty favorited mr. snark's message: "Have fun with your heterosexual activities, Mr. Barnes"._

 

_just bucky kicked mr snark from the group chat._


	7. Apple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't say much here except i was gonna save this 4 ch 10 but y'all wanted it SO BADLY!!!!  
> this ch is more wholesome/supportive than funny but i hope y'all get a few laughs out of this anyway haha  
> -  
> a couple tw's though but they're not graphic at all: it is implied that a character may have an eating disorder (conversation at 3:16 PM, begins at "wait a fucking second" and ends with "he b eatin" if you want to skim over it) and a character that talks of having implied depression/feeling unsatisfied (beginning of conversation at 7:33, begins with "is it alright if i vent?" and ends with "(he's the boyfriend)," nothing too bad though, and again it's not graphic.  
> \--  
> -thor's phone  
> -june 18 2018

**9:33 AM**

 

_blondie sent a message to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

blondie: Good morning, everyone. I woke up to my robot friend Vision sending me multiple images of Jimmy Neutron and the Simpson characters doing the T-pose and wishing me a good Tuesday.

 

guac-guacamole: I thought that was just me thank God

guac-guacamole: I just blocked him

 

valkyrie: thor sweetie your message threw me off guard in so many different ways i'm shook

valkyrie: you have a robot friend?? you know what jimmy neutron is??? you know what the simpsons is??? you know what the T-pose is????? you have a _robot friend_ who knows what all this is?????? what

 

being held at gunpoint: do you know how caught up on meme culture the avengers are? it's ridiculous how heavy they're influencing him

 

valkyrie: jesus

 

guac-guacamole: Is this what the Avengers have come to? Oh my god

 

being held at gunpoint: i guess after defeating thanos they just have way too much free time

being held at gunpoint: ok i stalked the avengers chat and apparently one of them hacked their robot friend to do this every tuesday

 

valkyrie: oh my god really

valkyrie: you're kidding

valkyrie: you're fucking kidding

 

blondie: I just checked. Loki's not lying.

 

guac-guacamole: I suddenly feel an overwhelming comfort that I chose not to join that group chat

 

being held at gunpoint: i feel an overwhelming sense of dread that i was dragged into there

 

blondie: It doesn't count as being dragged into there if you weren't fighting back!

 

valkyrie: literally my entire moral compass

 

being held at gunpoint: there was no point in doing so

 

guac-guacamole: Way to be an optimist!

 

being held at gunpoint: thanks it's what i'm best at

 

valkyrie: anyway i'm gonna go back to bed

 

guac-guacamole: It's 9:30? Am?

 

valkyrie: yeah and i have at _least_ until noon

 

guac-guacamole: Oh my god…

 

being held at gunpoint: weak i sleep for fourteen hours a day

 

blondie: It was originally nine until you took over my room.

 

valkyrie: what's the disadvantage of that tho now u have an excuse to sleep with ur boyf

 

being held at gunpoint: it's so bad sometimes the walls _shake_

 

valkyrie: i am so sorry sweetie

 

blondie: LOKI!!!!

 

guac-guacamole: I can assure you it is NOT that bad

 

being held at gunpoint: _pounding_

 

blondie: _LOKI._

 

valkyrie: i cant fuckign breathe oh my god

 

being held at gunpoint: i have to have my music at full volume just so i can _hear it_

 

valkyrie: ohohotjgf,d ym GOD

 

guac-guacamole: I am begging you to stop

 

_blondie has left the group chat._

 

_valkyrie has added blondie to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

_blondie has left the group chat._

 

_guac-guacamole has added blondie to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

_blondie has left the group chat._

 

_being held at gunpoint has added blondie to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

being held at gunpoint: i apologize

 

blondie: Sorry, you have apologized too late. You have been put On hold.

 

being held at gunpoint: do not

 

blondie: On Hold.

 

being held at gunpoint: thor

 

blondie: On Hold.

 

being held at gunpoint: thor please

 

blondie: On Hold.

 

being held at gunpoint: boy if you don't quit

 

blondie: On Hold.

 

being held at gunpoint: i love you

 

blondie: You have been taken Off Hold.

blondie: I love you too.

 

being held at gunpoint: i'm sorry

 

blondie: You are forgiven.

 

guac-guacamole: You two take the whole "On Hold" thing so seriously oh my God

 

valkyrie: it's funny when loki does it but when thor does it u fucked shit up majorly

 

being held at gunpoint: correct

 

guac-guacamole: Loki acts like he's incapable of feeling emotions but when Thor busts out the On Hold he melts

 

being held at gunpoint: i do not "melt"

 

valkyrie: "Re: being held at gunpoint @ 9:42 AM: i love you"

valkyrie: "Re: being held at gunpoint @ 9:43 AM: i'm sorry"

 

being held at gunpoint: congrats on ur receipts that don't exist

 

blondie: You need to stop pretending that things you don't like don't exist!

 

being held at gunpoint: ur right

being held at gunpoint: which is why you didn't exist in my timeline up until the events of ragnarok

 

guac-guacamole: WOW

 

valkyrie: ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED

 

guac-guacamole: OBLITERATED

 

blondie: On Hold.

 

being held at gunpoint: no no wait i'm sorry i was just kidding ily you mean the world to me

 

blondie: Off Hold.

 

valkyrie: "Re: being held at gunpoint @ 9:46 AM: i do not "melt""

valkyrie: "Re: being held at gunpoint @ 9:49 AM: no no wait i'm sorry i was just kidding ily you mean the world to me"

 

being held at gunpoint: [ stopgirl.jpg ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/88458638a6c9349a116d93f7b56a3a49/tumblr_inline_p1sc04tRNv1ssjjhz_500.png)

 

valkyrie: HAHA

 

* * *

 

**10:33 AM**

 

_blondie sent a message to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

blondie: image.png

blondie: A selfie of me! I see a lot of people doing these weird bathroom photos on Instagram and I decided to join in. Thoughts?

 

being held at gunpoint: exactly. thots.

being held at gunpoint: though @guac-guacamole i think you'll like this

 

valkyrie: my thot detector is beeping madly

valkyrie: @guac-guacamole tell ur boyfriend to stop thotting

 

guac-guacamole: Sweetie...

guac-guacamole: Put that tongue

guac-guacamole: Back In Your Mouth

 

being held at gunpoint: and put on a shirt

 

valkyrie: thicc af but u dont need to show it off

 

_guac-guacamole favorited valkyrie's message: "thicc af but u dont need to show…"._

 

valkyrie: see, even ur boyfriend agrees

 

guac-guacamole: I'm so sorry baby but they're right

 

blondie: You know what? You guys are right. I felt like I was being a little too ambitious. Thanks for telling me!

 

being held at gunpoint: yeah, too ambitious

 

valkyrie: i swear you talk like a fuckign animal crossing character and can be persuaded just as easily as one

 

being held at gunpoint: acnl character: "im moving on the 23rd. i just feel like i don't fit in with this town and i want to migrate to somewhere new. can't stay in the same place too long, right? i don't think anyone can change my mind."

being held at gunpoint: me: "no don't go i'll miss u"

being held at gunpoint: acnl character: "Oh Ok!" _*breaks both their legs so they can't travel*_

 

_guac-guacamole favorited being held at gunpoint's message: "acnl character: "Oh Ok!" *breaks both their legs…"._

 

guac-guacamole: I relate to that on a spiritual level

 

valkyrie: JKEJDSLKA

valkyrie: wait loki do u actually play acnl

 

being held at gunpoint: please refrain from mocking me, it's a stress reliever

 

valkyrie: BITCH ADD ME

 

being held at gunpoint: oh!

being held at gunpoint: that was not what i was expecting from you at all

being held at gunpoint: i'll send you my user in pms

 

blondie: What's acnl?

 

valkyrie: animal crossing: new leaf it's a very fun and valid game

 

blondie: I don't think I've ever played Animal Crossing!

 

being held at gunpoint: i'm not sharing my copy or my 3ds

 

blondie: You're also not sharing my room.

 

being held at gunpoint: JUST GET A QUEEN SIZE BED

 

blondie: THAT WAS A QUEEN SIZE BED!

 

being held at gunpoint: oh, you're right actually

being held at gunpoint: it's very big

being held at gunpoint: very soft

being held at gunpoint: and it feels so nice

 

blondie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBitRAiRPIA

blondie: The dinosaur is you and the cat is my stolen bed.

 

guac-guacamole: It sounds just like him!

_blondie and valkyrie favorited guac-guacamole's message: "It sounds just like him!"._

 

being held at gunpoint: wow. comparing me to a velociraptor. nice

 

valkyrie: he's compared you to way worse you'll get over it

 

being held at gunpoint: thanks

being held at gunpoint: i know i can always rely on you for moral support

 

valkyrie: ♥

 

* * *

 

**11:03 AM**

 

_valkyrie sent a message to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

valkyrie: selfie.png

valkyrie: LOOK AT MY FACE

 

being held at gunpoint: no one's skin is allowed to be that clear

 

blondie: Is that a nose piercing? I love it!

 

guac-guacamole: I love one (1) woman

 

valkyrie: u guys are so sweet d'aww

valkyrie: don't mean 2 get emotional in this gc but when thor first decided to make it i was cautious to join bc i kidnapped one of u guys and beat the shit out of the other and i thought the chat was gonna get tense quick but turns out we're all just emotional babies who want validation

 

_blondie, being held at gunpoint, and guac-guacamole favorited valkyrie's message: "don't mean 2 get emotional in this gc…"._

 

being held at gunpoint: same tbh

 

guac-guacamole: I thought I was the only one

 

blondie: In this house we love, validate and appreciate each other's existence

 

_valkyrie, guac-guacamole and being held at gunpoint favorited blondie's message: "In this house we love, validate, and appreciate…"._

 

valkyrie: I'LL DRINK TO THAT

valkyrie: love, validate, and appreciate everyone except loki

 

guac-guacamole: Except Loki

 

being held at gunpoint: wow thanks guys

 

valkyrie: I'M KIDDING WE LOVE U

 

blondie: We need some love and respect Loki juice

 

guac-guacamole: [ 004.jpg ](http://alka-pure.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/32285_man-drinking-bottled-water.jpg)

 

valkyrie: [ img.png ](https://i1.wp.com/food.thecookbk.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/drinking-water.jpg?resize=678%2C381)

 

being held at gunpoint: [ m1.jpg ](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nNsPgflWIRM/maxresdefault.jpg)

 

valkyrie: [ z.jpg ](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/211/045/d84.jpg)

 

guac-guacamole: NO

 

blondie: NO!!!!!!

 

valkyrie: invalid opinion

valkyrie: loki1.jpg

valkyrie: look at this man and tell me he isn't valid

 

being held at gunpoint: you save my selfies?

 

valkyrie: i save all the selfies u guys send tf

valkyrie: except the thot of thunder one no way

 

_guac-guacamole changed blondie's nickname to "Thot of Thunder"._

 

being held at gunpoint: OH MY GOD

 

valkyrie: KRJFDSLAKFDKJ

 

Thot of Thunder: I'm breaking up with you

 

guac-guacamole: Do it

guac-guacamole: You won't

 

Thot of Thunder: [ tinychildm1.jpg ](http://i.imgur.com/L3revJl.jpg)

 

_guac-guacamole favorited Thot of Thunder's message: "tinychildm1.jpg"._

 

guac-guacamole: Haha, I love you  ♥♥♥

 

Thot of Thunder: I love you too Banner ♥♥♥

 

being held at gunpoint: gay

 

valkyrie: ew get a room

 

* * *

 

**11:15 AM**

 

_witch added The Strongest Avenger, Bruce B., and valkyrie to a new group chat._

 

_witch renamed the group chat "A Room"._

 

_witch kicked valkyrie from the group chat._

 

_witch left the group chat._

 

Bruce B.: How romantic and thoughtful of them

 

The Strongest Avenger: I know, right?

 

**11:17 AM**

 

_valkyrie sent a message to "loki's stinky (Revengers)"._

 

valkyrie: @being held at gunpoint i love how u added me to the group just to kick me

 

being held at gunpoint: that's just how it is sometimes

 

guac-guacamole: @being held at gunpoint You're a riot

 

being held at gunpoint: love u too

 

Thot of Thunder: Hey, Loki! Maybe that room can be your new one!

 

being held at gunpoint: nah thanks it's too small for me

 

valkyrie: i'm sure you're skinny and weasel-y enough to squeeze in there

 

_Thot of Thunder and guac-guacamole favorited valkyrie's message: "i'm sure you're skinny and weasel-y enough to…"._

 

being held at gunpoint: xoxo

 

valkyrie: ♥ :)

 

**11:45 AM**

 

guac-guacamole: YOU GUYS have you seen Tony Stark's newest photo on Instagram??

guac-guacamole: screenshot061919.png

 

valkyrie: "buckwardbarnes_ commented 18min ago: mr stark more like mr snack"

valkyrie: who is this guy he's a godsend

 

guac-guacamole: I'm jealous that he looks more attractive than me when he's sleeping on a couch with a bedhead and almost drooling

 

Thot of Thunder: What do you mean? You're the most attractive person I know!

 

guac-guacamole: Adsjdjask ♥♥♥

 

being held at gunpoint: ok but WHOSE SWEATER IS THAT

 

valkyrie: wdym?

 

being held at gunpoint: it is at _least_ 2 sizes bigger than him

being held at gunpoint: do you see his fingers just barely poking out of the sleeves??

 

valkyrie: holy shit ur right

valkyrie: may b it's stretched out or he bought the wrong size?

 

guac-guacamole: Have you seem his Instagram? That man doesn't know what the hell "loose-fitted" means, it's illegal

 

Thot of Thunder: And to be fair, I've never seen him wear that sweater before.

 

guac-guacamole: Wait, guys

 

valkyrie: yes b?

 

being held at gunpoint: ?

 

Thot of Thunder: What's wrong?

 

guac-guacamole: Who took the photo?

 

_valkyrie has renamed the group chat "TONY SNACK SWEATER CONSPIRACY"._

 

valkyrie: alright gang let's get to the bottom of this mystery

 

being held at gunpoint: bet three realms that he's gay

 

valkyrie: bet half my alcohol cabinet that he went to a gaybar

 

Thot of Thunder: You two are ridiculous!

 

guac-guacamole: They're right, though

guac-guacamole: He could definitely step in as an alternate for the Fab 5

 

_valkyrie, Thot of Thunder and being held at gunpoint favorited guac-guacamole's message: "He could definitely step in as an alternate…"._

 

valkyrie: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT

valkyrie: okay i scrolled all the way back to 2016 and found a couple big dudes that could be The Guy

 

being held at gunpoint: that quick??

 

valkyrie: yeah, he doesn't post a lot

 

Thot of Thunder: You went through his Instagram??

 

valkyrie: mayhaps,,

valkyrie: u good thor?

 

Thot of Thunder: Isn't that an invasion of privacy?

 

valkyrie: oh shit

 

guac-guacamole: He does have a point

 

valkyrie: i know he has a Point what

valkyrie: yeah i should probs leave it

 

being held at gunpoint: i mean if he's gay then he's gay ig

 

valkyrie: u right, u right

valkyrie: the gaygenda will remain untouched today

 

_Thot of Thunder, being held at gunpoint and guac-guacamole favorited valkyrie's message: "the gaygenda will remain untouched today"._

 

_valkyrie has renamed the group chat "loki's stinky"._

 

being held at gunpoint: ♥ i guess

 

valkyrie: ♥

 

* * *

 

**1:13 PM**

 

_Thot of Thunder sent a message to "loki's stinky"._

 

Thot of Thunder: [ km1.png ](https://data.whicdn.com/images/308171106/large.png)

Thot of Thunder: @guac-guacamole

 

_guac-guacamole favorited Thot of Thunder's message: "km1.png"._

 

guac-guacamole: [ loml.png ](https://scontent-lga3-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/b4282817e7fb6e6459d3a40712f9d515/5BA2584A/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/28763442_545818662456901_3524415116164464640_n.jpg)

 

_Thot of Thunder favorited guac-guacamole's message: "loml.png"._

 

Thot of Thunder: [ km2.png ](https://scontent-dfw5-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/0b601e82a7926a92159a387f2ebf1ffd/5BEB897C/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e35/32069997_203316140465859_8992173620893581312_n.jpg?_nc_eui2=AeF0Kvzgr26nZrn_Y2llnNxoqK_l63kgcCLmzq6oMMbGkanknr-fnzTYdcsglfNvhrhrGo4UzUXoTyhkdxs5nhEW)

 

valkyrie: ew

 

being held at gunpoint: get a room

 

Thot of Thunder: [ km3.png ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DdqcidFU8AEGlZj.jpg)

Thot of Thunder: @everyone

 

being held at gunpoint: nvm you can stay

 

valkyrie: [ fn.png ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DaF1le9VwAEEp_5.jpg)

valkyrie: @everyone

 

_Thot of Thunder, quac-quacamole, and being held at gunpoint favorited valkyrie's message: "fn.png"._

 

being held at gunpoint: [ kermit.png ](https://scontent-lax3-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/e19be651af52cb1f06589f113a3d33e4/5BBD1866/t51.2885-15/e35/33993401_410811842719761_4977376524899450880_n.jpg)

being held at gunpoint: @everyone

 

_Thot of Thunder and valkyrie favorited being held at gunpoint's message: "kermit.png"._

 

guac-guacamole: [ lovedog.png ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQjTAd7fdgsPr8m3oVcWrT9hwmGTccqIMk8zgCDkHidSfQxk9tG)

guac-guacamole: @everyone

 

_Thot of Thunder, valkyrie, and being held at gunpoint favorited guac-guacamole's message: "lovedog.png"._

 

valkyrie: u guys are so soft i'm gonna choke

 

being held at gunpoint: you made us soft

 

valkyrie: what u talkin bout y'all made me soft

 

guac-guacamole: Let's just all agree we're soft for each other at varying degrees

 

Thot of Thunder: Smoft…

 

being held at gunpoint: somoft………

 

valkyrie: so,,mfoft...,,

 

* * *

 

**1:45 PM**

 

_guac-guacamole sent a message to "loki's stinky"._

 

guac-guacamole: image0004.jpg

guac-guacamole: He's...Sleeping

 

being held at gunpoint: alexa play duck army compilation on youtube

 

guac-guacamole: NO!!!!

 

being held at gunpoint: i'm kiddignfdmssd

 

valkyrie: i love how thor's just embracing u in ur sleep like honestly same

valkyrie: bruce u look like ur in pain

 

guac-guacamole: He's sleeping right on my chest and I can barely breathe

 

being held at gunpoint: true love is slowly killing your boyfriend in your sleep

 

_valkyrie and guac-guacamole favorited being held at gunpoint's message: "true love is slowly killing your boyfriend in…"._

 

valkyrie: god same

 

guac-guacamole: mood

 

* * *

 

 

**3:16 PM**

 

_being held at gunpoint sent a message to "loki's stinky"._

 

being held at gunpoint: img.png

being held at gunpoint: it's me hoes

 

valkyrie: omg u took a shower!!!!!!!!!!

 

 _guac-guacamole and Thot of thunder favorited valkyrie's message: "omg you took a shower!!!!!!!!!!_ ".

 

_being held at gunpoint has left the group chat._

 

_valkyrie has added being held at gunpoint to "loki's stinky"._

 

valkyrie: im KIDDING

valkyrie: fr tho that boho braid is C U T E

 

guac-guacamole: Loki really out here with the clearest skin out of all of us

 

Thot of Thunder: A real glo-up from 2012 greasy Loki

 

being held at gunpoint: not quite sure if i'm supposed to take that as a compliment or not

 

valkyrie: u never know with the revengers

valkyrie: wait a fucking second

 

being held at gunpoint: ?

 

valkyrie: i can see ur fuckin cheekbones bitch did u eat today

 

being held at gunpoint: i had an apple

 

valkyrie: b i t c h

 

guac-guacamole: Really out here thinking we wouldn't notice

 

Thot of Thunder: Go

Thot of Thunder: Eat

Thot of Thunder: Before I

Thot of THunder: Shove Food

Thot of Thunder: Down Your Throat

 

valkyrie: u best get urself down to the kitchen before i get myself over there

 

being held at gunpoint: you guys lowkey scare me but ok

 

valkyrie: good

 

_valkyrie sent a private message to Thot of Thunder: "he b eatin?"_

 

_Thot of Thunder sent a private message to valkyrie: "He b eatin."_

 

* * *

 

 

**5:34 PM**

 

_being held at gunpoint sent a message to "loki's stinky"._

 

being held at gunpoint: screenshot061918.png

being held at gunpoint: steve rogers doesn't know what a shirt is

 

valkyrie: you follow steve rogers on instagram? lmfao

 

being held at gunpoint: i follow All Of Them

 

valkyrie: i follow like,, tony and his intern that he tags in So Many Posts

valkyrie: and natasha and t'challa

valkyrie: that's it i think

 

guac-guacamole: I just quietly stalk the page of all of them

 

valkyrie: mood

 

being held at gunpoint: me

 

Thot of Thunder: I _think_ I'm following all of them

 

valkyrie: wow look at u thor you have so many friends that you can't keep track of them

 

Thot of Thunder: That's a way to think of it!

 

_valkyrie, guac-guacamole and being held at gunpoint favorited Thot of Thunder's message: "That's a way to think of it!"._

 

guac-guacamole: You're ridiculous

 

Thot of Thunder: uwu

 

valkyrie: don't fucking uwu us

 

being held at gunpoint: owo?

 

_valkyrie has kicked being held at gunpoint from the group chat._

 

_valkyrie has kicked Thot of Thunder from the group chat._

 

_guac-guacamole has added Thot of Thunder to "loki's stinky"._

 

_guac-guacamole has added being held at gunpoint to "loki's stinky"._

 

valkyrie: uwu me again and i'll show no mercy

 

being held at gunpoint: yes, ma'am

 

Thot of Thunder: My apologies.

 

* * *

 

**7:33 PM**

 

_being held at gunpoint sent message to "loki's stinky"._

 

being held at gunpoint: is it alright if i vent?

 

valkyrie: stop fUcking asking to vent in this chat everyone is valid and allowed to be emotional sluts

 

_guac-guacamole and Thot of Thunder favorited valkyrie's message: "stop fUcking asking to vent in this chat…"._

 

valkyrie: see even they agree

valkyrie: how are u feeling b

 

being held at gunpoint: i don't know, to be honest

being held at gunpoint: sad? unsatisfied?

being held at gunpoint: trying to get over me being contempt with everything

 

valkyrie: oof big mood

valkyrie: i'd say drink the problems away but don't even take my advice

 

guac-guacamole: Honestly, whenever I feel worthless I just get a pint if ice-cream and cuddle my boyfriend

 

Thot of Thunder: (I'm the boyfriend)

 

guac-guacamole: (He's the boyfriend)

 

being held at gunpoint: i don't have a boyf to cuddle :(

 

valkyrie: mood

 

Thot of Thunder: You can cuddle me! I'm a very huggable person.

 

guac-guacamole: He's right

 

valkyrie: GUYS GUYS

valkyrie: we can have movie night tonight

valkyrie: we're rescheduling movie night for this poor baby

 

guac-guacamole: Okay! We didn't have any plans anyway

 

Thot of Thunder: Movie night!

 

being held at gunpoint: how can anyone be this sweet it's unbelievable

 

valkyrie: we love u too bitcj

 

Thot of Thunder: And we ain't never going to stop loving you

 

guac-guacamole: Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> important question: which group chat would you rather be in, supportive and close revengers or funny but distant avengers?also funfact: this chapter is actually the longest one so far


	8. Your Nazi Tricks Won't Work On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -peter's phone  
> -june 18 2018

 

**3:04 PM**

 

_little spider added mr snark to "T-pose Tuesday"._

 

_little spider sent a message to "T-pose Tuesday"._

 

little spider: @just bucky STOP BULLYING HIM

 

just bucky: "stop bullying him" HE'S THE ONE BULLYING ME

 

T-pose: DON'T PLAY THE MARTYR

 

stephen: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DOING THIS SINCE DAY 1

 

just bucky: **I AM THE VICTIM OF EVERYTHING AND I REFUSE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS**

 

 _T-pose, little spider, mr snark, stephen, bangtan barton and 80s daddy favorited just bucky's message: "_ **_I AM THE VICTIM OF EVERYTHING AND I_ ** _…"._

 

T-pose: SHJHDSKJHAJSA

 

mr snark: ME

 

little spider: SAME

 

Steve: Bucky!!!

 

just bucky: OH RIGHT THE CALL see ya hoes just ping me if you need me ig

 

T-pose: u won't be missed

 

_stephen, little spider, mr snark, and 80s daddy favorited T-pose's message: "u won't be missed"._

 

_just bucky has kicked T-pose from the group chat._

 

_bangtan barton has added T-pose to "T-pose Tuesday"._

 

T-pose: smh kicking me from my own gc

T-pose: i oughta freeze that boy up again

 

_little spider, bangtan barton, stephen, mr snark, and 80s daddy favorited T-pose's message: "i oughta freeze that boy up again"._

 

stephen: Everyone in this group chat is so cold toward each other and it's hilarious

 

T-pose: HaHa

T-pose: Cold.

 

little spider: ASJKDFJDK

 

bangtan barton: i'm actually crying oh ym god

 

mr snark: Honestly if I was given the chance I would kill 90% of you in cold blood

 

bangtan barton: i'd kill every single one of you period

 

T-pose: i'd put you all in the wakandan meat grinder with no hesitation

 

just scott: there's a wakandan meat grinder?

 

_T-pose and Kitty favorited just scott's message: "there's a wakandan meat grinder?"_

 

little spider: hey everyone shut up for a second i made a meme

 

little spider: [ drinkup.jpg ](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/415705958564626444/459478630851149825/image.jpg?width=858&height=474)

little spider: @everyone @just bucky @mr snark

 

_stephen, mr snark, bangtan barton, Kitty, T-pose, Big Spider, 80s daddy, Steve, just bucky and just scott favorited little spider's message: "drinkup.jpg"._

 

mr snark: Finally someone said it

 

just bucky: ur right every morning i rinse my mouth out with it after brushing my teeth

 

stephen: I didn't know you brushed your teeth!

 

just bucky: @stephen meet me behind the dennys dumpster @ 3 AM bring any weapon of your choice

 

stephen: Oh really now?

 

just scott: ohhh you better watch out, stephen

 

80s daddy: eyes emoji

 

T-pose: funny thing is he could actually kill u if he wanted to stephen

 

stephen: I'd love to see him try

 

little spider: wait wait guys shut for a second again

 

stephen: It's been a second

 

little spider: wait another second

 

stephen: One one thousand

 

80s daddy: one mississippi

 

little spider: [ mmhydration.jpg ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/415705958564626444/459478639331901450/image.jpg)

little spider: @everyone @just bucky @stephen

 

_stephen, 80s daddy, mr snark, Kitty, just bucky, Steve, T-pose, bangtan barton, just scott and Big Spider favorited little spider's message: "mmhydration.jpg"._

 

stephen: HAHA

 

just bucky: you're absolutely right

 

just scott: oh my god, are you guys always like this? haha

 

T-pose: NO LAUGHING CRYING EMOJI ALLOWED and yes we pretty much are

 

bangtan barton: get used to it

 

Big Spider: This is how superheroes normally behave, I don't know what you're talking about

 

mr snark: Hey Peter?

 

little spider: yes mr stark

 

mr snark: Could you make one that says "This group chat doesn't exist juice" with Sam and Rhodey drinking it?

 

_stephen and just scott favorited mr snark's message: "Could you make one that says "This group…"._

 

little spider: gladly

 

Big Spider: TONY you're a riot

 

just scott: unfortunately, they wouldn't be able to see it :/

 

Big Spider: I think it's for the better that they don't

 

little spider: [ h2ohno.jpg ](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/415705958564626444/459509567508971520/image.jpg?width=267&height=474)

little spider: @everyone @mr snark

 

_mr snark, Big Spider, 80s daddy, T-pose, just scott, stephen, Kitty and bangtan barton favorited little spider's message: "h2ohno.jpg"._

 

Kitty: This joke definitely _won't_ get old quickly

 

little spider: i know, right?

 

mr snark: I know, right?

 

bangtan barton: i know, right?

 

just scott: i know, right?

 

80s daddy: i know, right?

 

T-pose: jesus christ

 

little spider: 3 days from now and we'll be killing anyone who brings it up

 

T-pose: speaking of which

T-pose: peter remember your uwu phase from 2016

 

little spider: DO NOT

 

mr snark: I still have message receipts from him going "Thank you, Mr. Stark! UvU" and "What's up? owo"

 

little spider: S T O P

 

_Kitty, bangtan barton, stephen and just scott favorited mr snark's message: "I still have message receipts from him going…"._

 

_Big Spider has changed little spider's nickname to "little spider uwu"._

 

little spider uwu: **YAMERO**

 

_T-pose has renamed the group chat "Y A M E R O"._

 

just scott: GHFRSDKJSA

 

80s daddy: I'M CRYING YOU LITTLE WEEB

 

stephen: STOP BULLYING HIM

 

bangtan barton: stephen's only telling you guys to stop bullying peter because he's a weeb himself

bangtan barton: i've caught him watching anime in the compound

 

_mr snark, Kitty, Big Spider, 80s daddy, just scott and T-pose favorited bangtan barton's message: "stephen's only telling you guys to stop bullying…"._

 

stephen: You fool, I've only watched one anime and that was because I was forced to by Peter

 

little spider uwu: don't act like you weren't hooked

 

just scott: well?

 

stephen: Well, what?

 

just scott: _what anime?_

 

little spider uwu: puella magi madoka magica

 

just scott: isn't that the one where that cat thing seduced some middle school girls to become magical girls and kill interdimensional demon witch things and it was really trippy and confusing but they all just either became corrupted or died but that last one became a god

 

stephen: Yeah that's the one

 

little spider uwu: "seduced" i'm crying

 

mr snark: Wait, what? What did you say, Scott? Literally what were the words that just came out of your mouth?

 

_T-pose, Kitty, just scott, 80s daddy and Big Spider favorited mr snark's message: "Wait, what? What did you say, Scott? Literally…"._

 

little spider uwu: feeling extra snarky today huh

 

_mr snark and stephen favorited little spider uwu's message: "feeling extra snarky today huh"._

 

mr snark: I'm always this snarky wdym

 

little spider uwu: u right, u right

 

* * *

 

**5:33 PM**

 

_Tony STank sent a private message to spideyboy._

 

Tony STank: Hey, kid

Tony STank: You remember that event you said you wanted to go to in Queens?

Tony STank: And I said no because I had too many things going on that day?

 

spideyboy: uhh yeah why

spideyboy: wait

 

Tony STank: https://www.nycpride.org/events/the-march/

Tony STank: Stephen and I are going to be taking you

Tony STank: When we get back, the three of us are going to hang out with Pepper

 

spideyboy: YOU DID NTO

spideyboy: YOU DID NOT

spideyboy: [ km3.jpg ](https://www.nycpride.org/events/the-march/)

spideyboy: I LOVE YOU

 

_spideyboy sent a private message to stephen: "I LOVE YOU"._

 

_spideyboy sent a private message to Salty Pepper: "I LOVE YOU"._

 

_stephen sent a private message to spideyboy: "I love you too?"._

_stephen sent a private message to spideyboy: "Wait did Tony tell you"._

 

Tony STank: I love you too ♥

Tony STank: Is he alright?

 

spideyboy: no he's hospitalized because he gave too much love

 

_spideyboy sent a private message to stephen: "yes i would die for u"._

 

_Salty Pepper sent a private message to spideyboy: "I love you too sweetie ♥♥♥"._

 

Tony STank: Oh Okay

 

_spidey sent a private message to Salty Pepper: "i would die for u"._

 

spideyboy: is it okay if i tell my friends

 

Tony STank: That's fine

Tony STank: You know the deal, though

 

spideyboy: yeah i know

spideyboy: thank you so much mr stark i would die for you

 

_Salty Pepper sent a private message to spideyboy: "I would kill for you"._

 

_stephen sent a private message to spideyboy: "Please don't"._

 

Tony STank: Please Don't

 

* * *

 

**5:43 PM**

 

_little spider uwu sent a message to "Y A M E R O"._

 

little spider uwu: NYC PRIDE

little spider uwu: NYC PRIDE

little spider uwu: NYC PRIDE PARADE ON 24TH

little spider uwu: NYC PRIDE PARADE ON 24TH

little spider uwu: AND MR STARK IS TAKING ME TO

little spider uwu: NYC PRIDE PARADE ON 24TH

 

mr snark: I didn't know THIS is what you meant by your friends

 

little spider uwu: wdym mr stark these are my best friends

 

just bucky: i'm not sure how i'm supposed to read this but I'M HAPPY FOR U

 

T-pose: LUCKY we don't do pride parades in wakanda

 

little spider uwu: lucky that u don't have to do them anymore since being gay isn't an immoral sin to some people

 

T-pose: maybe so but wouldn't it be cool if u could stomp around and show off ur homosexuality

 

just bucky: tfw king of wakanda is literally a bicon

 

_little spider uwu, Kitty and T-pose favorited just bucky's message: "tfw king of wakanda is literally a bicon"._

 

Kitty: ^

 

80s daddy: who needs pride parades when everyone on your spaceship is gay

 

_Kitty, T-pose. mr snark, little spider uwu, just scott, stephen, Big Spider and just bucky favorited 80s daddy's message: "who needs pride parades when everyone on your…"._

 

just bucky: [ bigjb21.jpg ](https://orig00.deviantart.net/aaf3/f/2017/102/5/f/god_i_wish_that_were_me_by_vbictor98-db5lveo.jpg)

 

little spider uwu: ME

 

bangtan barton: mood

 

Steve: What?? Does that mean

 

just scott: well if it isn't the man with the giant metal frisbee

 

_just bucky, mr snark, Big Spider, Kitty, little spider uwu, stephen and 80s daddy favorited just scott's message: "well if it isn't the man with the…"._

 

Steve: Excuse me?

 

just bucky: the man with the giant metal frisbee.

 

Steve: ??

Steve: Is that like another meme or something?

 

little spider uwu: this poor old grandpa hang on a second steve

little spider uwu: [ deep voice vine guy ](https://youtu.be/ClH4jaZMXRQ?t=28s)

 

Steve: Oh my god

Steve: Who is that guy? Do you know him?

 

little spider uwu: im crying its a vine please steve please i don't know him

 

Steve: Vine?

 

little spider uwu: it's six second clips that people post online please do you understand that

 

Steve: Yes.

 

little spider uwu: god bless

 

80s daddy: you sound so fucking upset little dude

 

little spider uwu: steve "is this a meme" rogers

little spider uwu: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4PKHk0LL4Q ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4PKHk0LL4Q)

little spider uwu: i am literally the girl filming this video im crying

 

_bangtan barton has changed The Strongest Avenger's nickname to boulda-thor._

 

mr snark: "You can't battle people! That's a beautiful animal!" Actually Steve

 

_little spider uwu, Steve, Big Spider, T-pose, just scott, Kitty and stephen favorited mr snark's message: "You can't battle people! That's a beautiful animal…"._

 

just scott: "where the hell-" _puts hand over mouth_

 

_just bucky and Steve favorited just scott's message: "where the hell-" puts hand over mouth",_

 

just bucky: scott i could not agree with you more

 

Big Spider: "I'll call him Hamilton" oh my God

 

Kitty: He's Very Important

 

_stephen. mr snark, Big Spider, bangtan barton and 80s daddy favorited Kitty's message: "He's Very Important"._

 

bangtan barton: What Is He Squirting

 

Big Spider: Clint, no.

 

_Steve has changed just bucky's nickname to "Blue-Eyed Jerk"._

 

Blue-Eyed Jerk: AKJDFSDKLJGRFDKLS

 

Big Spider: Oh my God, Steve, you're absolutely right

 

_mr snark, Steve, and stephen favorited Big Spider's message: "Oh my God, Steve, you're absolutely right"._

 

_Blue-Eyed Jerk has changed their nickname to "blue-eyed jerk"._

 

little spider uwu: got to keep it #aesthetic

 

blue-eyed jerk: caps lock scares me

 

80s daddy: ok but same

 

bangtan barton: ur so fragile bucky

 

T-pose: @blue-eyed jerk broken white boy

 

_mr snark, stephen, Kitty, Big Spider, bangtan barton, 80s daddy, little spider uwu, just scott and Steve favorited T-pose's message: "@blue-eyed jerk broken white boy"._

 

_blue-eyed jerk has kicked T-pose from the group chat._

 

_little spider uwu has added T-pose to "Y A M E R O"._

 

_T-pose has kicked blue-eyed jerk from the group chat._

 

_little spider uwu has added blue-eyed jerk to "Y A M E R O"._

 

little spider uwu: guys let's use our "i feel" and "i think" statements

 

blue-eyed jerk: i feel like i want to put you in the wakandan meat grinder

 

_Kitty, mr snark, T-pose, Steve, little spider uwu, stephen, Big spider, just scott, 80s daddy and bangtan barton favorited blue-eyed jerk's message: "i feel like i want to put you…"._

 

T-pose: i think you should be put back in the freezer

 

_mr snark, blue-eyed jerk, stephen, Kitty, 80s daddy, bangtan barton and just scott favorited T-pose's message: "i think you should be put back in..."._

 

little spider uwu: no.

 

80s daddy: jesus christ guys

 

Kitty: Calm Down

Kitty: I don't want any casualties today

 

blue-eyed jerk: no promises

 

bangtan barton: one of them will go missing soon and you guys are all gonna be like "who did it? alright guys who killed them? who did it?" like today didn't happen

 

mr snark: Hopefully both of them will go missing and we won't have to worry about either

 

_blue-eyed jerk has kicked mr snark from the group chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have every single captain america vine bookmarked in the patrick william vine comp and in order to get them you have to get on your knees and say i am your god


	9. nani

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +Rhodey  
> +Sam Wilson  
> +Vision  
> +Wanda Maximoff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -peter's phone  
> -june 18, 2018

**7:14 PM**

 

_ little spider uwu has added mr snark to "Y A M E R O". _

 

T-pose: no leave him

 

_ blue-eyed jerk, Steve and bangtan barton favorited T-pose's message: "no leave him". _

 

little spider uwu: stop!!!! bullying!!!!! him!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

blue-eyed jerk: he's bullying me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Kitty: You guys!!!! Are!!!!!!! Acting like!!!!!!!!!! Children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Big Spider: I can sense the smug smile on Tony's face while he's watching this go down

 

_ stephen, little spider uwu, Kitty, just scott, 80s daddy, bangtan barton and mr snark favorited Big Spider's message: "I can sense the smug grin on Tony's…". _

 

mr snark: I'm not smiling

 

Big Spider: Yeah, he's smiling

 

80s daddy: smiley boy...

 

stephen: If you weren't smiling before, you're smiling now

 

mr snark: I physically cannot smile

mr snark: The universe forbids it

 

blue-eyed jerk: mood

 

little spider uwu: he smiles and the universe implodes

 

_ stephen, blue-eyed jerk and mr snark favorited little spider uwu's message: "he smiles and the universe implodes". _

 

stephen: That's  _ exactly  _ how it went on Titan

 

mr snark: How do you react to a message with a thumbs down emoji

 

just scott: you can't

 

T-pose: just react to his most recent message on imessage with a thumbs down emoji

 

_ blue-eyed jerk, 80s daddy, just scott and stephen favorited T-pose's message: "just react to his most recent message on". _

 

mr snark: No! That's mean

 

little spider uwu: wh

 

blue-eyed jerk: why

blue-eyed jerk: how's it mean to do it on imessage

blue-eyed jerk: wait 

 

80s daddy: did he send u smth or something

 

mr snark: no

 

blue-eyed jerk: what did he send you

 

mr snark: He didn't send me anything

 

blue-eyed jerk: what did he send you stark

 

just scott: WHat did he send you

 

Steve: Hey guys shut up for a second

 

little spider uwu: HAHA

 

_ little spider and blue-eyed jerk favorited Steve's message: "Hey guys shut up for a second". _

 

_ Steve has added sam to "Y A M E R O". _

 

bangtan barton: well well well, if it isn't sam

 

stephen: well well well, fancy meeting you here

 

Big Spider: Well well well, look who finally decided to show up

 

mr snark: Well well well, look what the cat dragged in

 

blue-eyed jerk: well well well, if it isn't fancy meeting what the cat finally decided to show up

 

_ Steve, mr snark, 80s daddy, just scott, little spider, stephen, Big Spider, T-pose and Kitty favorited blue-eyed jerk's message: "well well well, if it isn't fancy…". _

 

_ sam has left the group chat. _

 

_ Steve has added sam to "Y A M E R O". _

 

little spider uwu: oh my god it's sam falcon

 

_ 80s daddy and just scott favorited little spider uwu's message: "oh my god it's sam falcon". _

 

_ little spider has kicked Birdie from the group chat. _

 

sam: @blue-eyed jerk Lmao sorry I never responded to your texts from 3 months ago

 

blue-eyed jerk: you too i guess

 

just scott: >joins group chat

just scott: >immediately trashes on friend

 

sam: hey

sam: I never said he was my friend

 

blue-eyed jerk: i never said he was my friend

 

T-pose: dude

 

little spider uwu: dude

 

bangtan barton: dude

 

mr snark: Whatever happened to you two being best friends? Like you said?

 

blue-eyed jerk: DON'T

blue-eyed jerk: make me do it

 

mr snark: Do it

 

blue-eyed jerk: well fuck now i don't want to

 

stephen: Don't you hate it when your victim complies

 

_ mr snark, sam, T-pose, Kitty, Big Spider, Steve, little spider uwu and blue-eyed jerk favorited stephen's message: "Don't you hate it when your victim complies". _

 

blue-eyed jerk: i'm adding your contact sam

 

Big Spider: Me too

 

bangtan barton: yeah me too

 

sam: Well damn okay

 

Big Spider: Hey, Sam, how much did Steve have to bribe you to join the group chat?

 

sam: He's getting me a new pool

 

T-pose: mood

 

blue-eyed jerk: me

 

little spider uwu: wait wait guys

 

mr snark: Hmm?

 

stephen: What's the matter?

 

blue-eyed jerk: yeah what's wong

blue-eyed jerk: wrong

 

_ stephen and mr snark favorited blue-eyed jerk's message: "yeah what's wong". _

 

little spider uwu: we still need rhodey

 

mr snark: Here, give me a second

 

stephen: It's been a second

 

mr snark: Wait another second

 

little spider uwu: one one thousand

 

mr snark: Kick him and re-add him

 

_ little spider uwu kicked Rocky Rhodey from the group chat. _

 

_ little spider uwu has added Rocky Rhodey to "Y A M E R O". _

 

Rocky Rhodey: Yamero?

 

little spider uwu: DON'T MUTE THE GROUP CHAT

 

mr snark: DON'T mute it

 

stephen: Mute it and these two will be VERY upset

 

Rocky Rhodey: They already sound upset

 

blue-eyed jerk: they usually are

 

T-pose: it's just a neutral feeling for them, you know?

 

_ mr snark, stephen, little spider uwu, blue-eyed jerk, just scott, Kitty, Big Spider, sam, bangtan barton, 80s daddy and Rocky Rhodey favorited T-pose's message: "it's just a neutral feeling for them, you…". _

 

Rocky Rhodey: Yeah, I get it

 

just scott: wow, would you look at this! we're all one big happy family

 

blue-eyed jerk: she's gonna do it

 

just scott: do what?

 

_ T-pose has added Vision to "Y A M E R O". _

 

Vision: Oh! Greetings

 

little spider uwu: oh my god its the robot guy

 

mr snark: Wait

T-pose: it's ok tony i turned it off

T-pose: u can add wanda if u want, vision

 

_ little spider uwu has changed Vision's nickname to "Robot Dude". _

 

_ Robot Dude has added wanda venus fairywinkle-cosma to "Y A M E R O". _

 

wanda venus fairywinkle-cosma: n-nani????

 

blue-eyed jerk: kyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

 

T-pose: well never fucking mind

 

stephen:  _ Wanda Venus Fairywinkle-Cosma? _

 

wanda venus fairywinkle-cosma: yeah thats me

 

stephen: Do I want to know?

 

little spider uwu: it's fairly odd parents man

 

stephen: Oh Okay

 

80s daddy: NOW we're one big happy family

 

bangtan barton: being related to you guys would be my actual nightmare

 

little spider uwu: ♥

 

Big Spider: ♥

 

blue-eyed jerk: ♥

 

T-pose : ♥

 

just scott: ♥

 

mr snark: ♥

 

* * *

 

**3:33 AM**

 

_ blue-eyed jerk sent a message to "Y A M E R O". _

 

blue-eyed jerk:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_NupFE25rQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_NupFE25rQ)

blue-eyed jerk: @Steve @sam

blue-eyed jerk: us

 

_ sam and Steve favorited blue-eyed jerk's message: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_NupFE25rQ" _

 

sam:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNqN2xeUaxo ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNqN2xeUaxo)

sam: @blue-eyed jerk

 

_ blue-eyed jerk and Steve favorited sam's message: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNqN2xeUaxo" _

blue-eyed jerk: big mood

 

sam:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_2ZJ4QW_O4&feature=youtu.be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_2ZJ4QW_O4&feature=youtu.be)

 

blue-eyed jerk: why does that remind me of clint

 

Steve: It reminds me more of Peter

 

blue-eyed jerk: it's everyone in this group chat honestly

 

sam:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuj3khxi_3A ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fuj3khxi_3A)

 

blue-eyed jerk: me after running for ten seconds

 

_ Steve and sam favorited blue-eyed jerk's message: "me after running for ten seconds". _

 

sam:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NzgluE_9lo ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NzgluE_9lo)

 

blue-eyed jerk: ME ACTUALLY ME

 

Steve: Wait

Steve: Is that the Grinch?

 

blue-eyed jerk: wait is it

blue-eyed jerk: IT IS

 

sam: who did you think it was? Lmfao

 

blue-eyed jerk: i thought it was like

blue-eyed jerk: a green bigfoot

 

Steve: The abominable snowman skipped a couple showers

  
  


_ sam and blue-eyed jerk favorited Steve's message: "The abominable snowman skipped a couple showers". _

 

blue-eyed jerk: jrkfdfjekdsl

blue-eyed jerk: canon

 

* * *

 

**4:20 AM**

 

_ blue-eyed jerk sent a message to "Y A M E R O". _

 

blue-eyed jerk:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAxptzgPUPg ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAxptzgPUPg)

blue-eyed jerk: @mr snark you

 

_ mr snark has left the group chat. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter was really short (half of what a normal chapter would be! hmm!) and late, and possibly unfunny lmao  
> ive been a lil down in the dumps since yesterday and i've been watching marvel and qweer eye instead of like,, writing and plotting this story :///


	10. Coffee Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -thor's phone  
> -june 19th, 2018

**7:33 AM**

 

_absolute queen sent a message to "i want tony snack to (redacted) my (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: h

absolute queen: hey guys

absolute queen: wouldn't it be pretty sweet if

absolute queen: grandmaster joined

 

loki, son of a bitch: it's too early to be asking that

 

absolute queen: okay i'll try again later

 

* * *

 

**10:24 AM**

 

_absolute queen sent a message to "i want tony snack to (redacted) my (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: hey guys wouldn't it be pretty sweet if the grandmaster joined

 

loki, son of a bitch: no.

 

absolute queen: anyone else

 

dipsy: No

 

Thot of Thunder: NO!

 

absolute queen: not saying i have his contact or anything. it was just a shower thought

 

loki, son of a bitch: you know what? sure. if you can manage to find his contact, you can add him

 

absolute queen: ok

 

_absolute queen has added granddaddy to "i want tony snack to (redacted) my (redacted)"._

 

_loki, son of a bitch has kicked granddaddy from the group chat._

 

loki, son of a bitch: FJDHDKSLFDSL I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY HAVE IT

 

absolute queen: HOW did you fall for that

absolute queen: i thought you were like. the god of mischief

absolute queen: i thought it was impossible for you to fall for this type of stuff

 

Thot of Thunder: He was typing as Loki was kicking him and I have honestly never been that scared in my life

 

dipsy: Me too, Thor

 

loki, son of a bitch: you know, i trust you.

loki, son of a bitch: you're my friend.

 

absolute queen: mm, bad idea

absolute queen: it's because u just don't want to face ur Ecks Boiyfrent right now

absolute queen: that's why u kicked him

absolute queen: u won't let him love u

 

loki, son of a bitch: he is not my ex-boyfriend and he never was

 

dipsy: Oh, so you're still together?

 

loki, son of a bitch: that is _not_ what i meant by that

 

absolute queen: really? because it sure sounds like it

 

Thot of Thunder: What did you mean by that then, Loki?

 

loki, son of a bitch: what did i do to deserve this

 

absolute queen: answer thor's question, loki

 

loki, son of a bitch: my morning's been pretty good so far. how about you guys?

 

Thot of Thunder: Oh, my morning's been great! Now tell us, Loki.

 

absolute queen: what did you mean by that then, loki

absolute queen: c'mon, loki, tell us

 

loki, son of a bitch: i'm acearo

 

absolute queen: you BITCH we literally have calls where you just talk about wanting men to straight up raw you don't pull that bullshit on me

 

dipsy: LOKI oh my God

 

Thot of Thunder: Wait, really??

 

loki, son of a bitch: that is a HILARIOUS exaggeration but i'll give you that

 

dipsy: Loki?

 

loki, son of a bitch: yes?

 

dipsy: What? Did you mean when you said that

 

loki, son of a bitch: you three are not going to be letting this go anytime soon

 

Thot of Thunder: The more you drag this out, the more you're making it worse for yourself

 

loki, son of a bitch: you know i'm a fan of dragging things out as long as possible

 

dipsy: We've noticed

 

absolute queen: loki sweetie i love you but if you don't spit it out i will literally stab you

 

loki, son of a bitch: [ knifecat.png ](http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/088/637/c67.jpg)

 

absolute queen: SNFMDSMFNDKS

 

_Thot of Thunder, dipsy and absolute queen favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "knifecat.png"._

 

absolute queen: WAIT A SECOND

 

loki, son of a bitch: what

 

dipsy: What?

 

Thot of Thunder: What's wrong?

 

absolute queen: i just realized something

absolute queen: loki's gonna get mad when i say it but

 

loki, son of a bitch: then don't say it. easy

 

absolute queen: loki knew the key to the grandmaster's orgy ship

 

_loki, son of a bitch has left the group chat._

 

dipsy: OH MY GOD HE DID

 

Thot of Thunder: HE ALSO KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE TO USE, WHICH MEANS HE'S BEEN IN IT!!

 

absolute queen: THOR YOU'RE RIGHT

 

_absolute queen has renamed the group chat "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"_

 

_absolute queen has added loki, son of a bitch to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: WE KNOW NOW

absolute queen: YOU CAN'T HIDE IT ANYMORE

 

loki, son of a bitch: i want to choke

 

absolute queen: you want me to get granddaddy so he can do that for you bby

 

_loki, son of a bitch has left the group chat._

 

absolute queen: SMKMHDKJSHDSDHMDK

 

dipsy: I'M ACTUALLY CRYING THIS POOR MAN

 

_absolute queen has added loki, son of a bitch to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: so. grandmaster hmm

 

loki, son of a bitch: whatever we had, it was complicated and i don't want to talk about it or acknowledge that it ever existed in the first place

 

dipsy: Why not? There's nothing wrong with having a sugar daddy

 

loki, son of a bitch: that wasn't the problem

 

Thot of Thunder: What do you mean it wasn't the problem?

 

absolute queen: so he WAS your sugar daddy

 

loki, son of a bitch: i meant exactly what i said

loki, son of a bitch: i don't know what he was and i don't want to find out anytime soon

 

Thot of Thunder: You can talk to us, brother.

 

loki, son of a bitch: cool. i'll keep that thought in mind.

 

absolute queen: c'mon b you can tell us

 

loki, son of a bitch: i'd much rather not

 

Thot of Thunder: Loki, we'll stop asking about it if it is making you uncomfortable.

 

loki, son of a bitch: thank you

 

absolute queen: i have one question though

absolute queen: just one

 

loki, son of a bitch: no.

 

absolute queen: just one

absolute queen: if you answer it, we will never speak of this conversation again

 

loki, son of a bitch: i feel like you forgot this, but i am the god of mischief

loki, son of a bitch: i can sense when you're lying and ohhh it's strong right now

 

absolute queen: please just this one question

 

loki, son of a bitch: you're not going to stop until i say yes, are you?

 

absolute queen: just this one question

 

loki, son of a bitch: fine

 

absolute queen: who bottomed

 

_loki, son of a bitch has left the group chat._

 

_absolute queen has added loki, son of a bitch to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: loki please i am being like 20% nicer than i usually am

 

loki, son of a bitch: you're being very generous with yourself right now

 

absolute queen: 15%

 

loki, son of a bitch: hm.

 

absolute queen: LOKI

 

loki, son of a bitch: you know what? fine. alright.

 

absolute queen: YES

 

loki, son of a bitch: you cannot tell anybody about this conversation

loki, son of a bitch: if i hear even a mention of this from anybody outside this group chat, all three of you will die slow and gruesome deaths

 

dipsy: Jesus Christ

 

Thot of Thunder: It's okay, he wouldn't actually do that.

 

dipsy: You sure?

 

absolute queen: we won't tell anybody now answer the question

 

loki, son of a bitch: i was a passive bottom and he was the power top

 

absolute queen: SJKEMDSNDS

 

_absolute queen favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "i was a passive bottom and he was..."._

 

dipsy: Loki tried to dominate the world in 2012 but really he just wanted a man to dominate him

 

_Thot of Thunder and absolute queen favorited dipsy's message: "Loki tried to dominate the world in 2012…"._

 

Thot of Thunder: ICONIC.

 

absolute queen: thor saying iconic is iconic

 

_dipsy and Thot of Thunder favorited absolute queen's message: "thor saying iconic is iconic"._

 

loki, son of a bitch: okay cool now let's never talk about this again

 

absolute queen: no promises

 

dipsy: Do you think they actually had a boy toy/sugar daddy type relationship or do you think it was actually intimate?

 

loki, son of a bitch: okay cool now let's never talk about this again

 

absolute queen: definitely boy toy and sugar daddy

 

loki, son of a bitch: okay cool now let's never talk about this again

 

Thot of Thunder: I don't know. Loki will never admit it, but he actually can get pretty affectionate and touchy with people. It could've been intimate.

 

loki, son of a bitch: okay cool now let's never talk about this again

 

absolute queen: honey we KNOW he's touchy

 

loki, son of a bitch: [ https://youtu.be/sjTBRYL76Yo?t=4s ](https://youtu.be/sjTBRYL76Yo?t=4s)

 

Thot of Thunder: Hey! I didn't know Father took videos of you when you were younger.

 

absolutely queen: Sibling Obliteration

 

loki, son of a bitch: i was really problematiqué and my temper tantrums were passionate but plausible

 

dipsy: Self Obliteration

 

loki, son of a bitch: anyway, i'm going back to bed

 

Thot of Thunder: You can't sleep your problems away, Loki.

 

loki, son of a bitch: haha

loki, son of a bitch: watch me

 

* * *

 

**12:41 PM**

 

_absolute queen sent a message to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: guess which of my 107 daddies updated his instagram

 

Thot of Thunder: Tony Stark?

 

dipsy: *Tony Snack

 

loki, son of a bitch: **mr. snack

 

absolute queen: that's the bitch (gm sleepyhead)

absolute queen: he's doing his daily yoga

absolute queen: smh i wish i cared enough about my mental health to do uplifting routines daily

 

dipsy: Me too though

 

loki, son of a bitch: i'm watching the video rn and smh this man doesn't even wear his own clothes anymore

loki, son of a bitch: those are not his sweats. they are about to fall off

 

absolute queen: i swear whoever his partner is just pampers him to death

 

loki, son of a bitch: i truly just want a man like that

 

absolute queen: you know

absolute queen: i would've never thought that the god of mischief would be on the receiving end of the relationship

 

loki, son of a bitch: would've never thought that the god of mischief would be in a relationship at all

 

Thot of Thunder: Hmm. Receiving end.

 

_Thot of Thunder has changed loki, son of a bitch's nickname to "Bottom Loki"._

 

Bottom Loki: no

Bottom Loki: put it back

Bottom Loki: th rorfkdmsc

Bottom Loki: kfdjikdjhsdakl

 

dipsy: You good?

 

Bottom Loki: no

 

absolute queen: loki you poor sensitive thing

 

_absolute queen has changed Bottom Loki's nickname to "loki, son of a bitch"._

 

loki, son of a bitch: thank you i thought i was going to have to actually end it

 

absolute queen: loki: *gets roleshamed*

absolute queen: loki: hm. guess i'll die

 

Thot of Thunder: Mood.

 

dipsy: Me

 

loki, son of a bitch: honestly i'd much rather die than face any problem or ridicule whatsoever

 

absolute queen: god same

 

* * *

 

**2:11 PM**

 

_absolute queen sent a message to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: met a girl last week. we're having a coffee date today. i would die for her

 

dipsy: That's valid

 

loki, son of a bitch: you're acting a lot calmer than you normally would

 

absolute queen: no i'm actually highkey dying inside and i want to take a hammer to my skull

absolute queen: what do i wear?? should i use table manners?? do i hold open the door for her?? does she hold open the door for me?? is it going to be casual or should i dress up?? what do i say if it goes well?? what if it doesn't go well??? i'm so lost right now help

 

Thot of Thunder: Just be yourself!

 

absolute queen: but myself sucks!!!!!!!!!!

 

_dipsy and loki, son of a bitch favorited absolute queen's message: "but myself sucks!!!!!!!!!!"._

 

loki, son of a bitch: god mood

 

dipsy: Val, Thor and I go on coffee dates literally all the time. Dress up casually but don't make it too casual. Hold open the door for her and offer to pay. Just be your fun, quirky self. You'll be fine. It's just a coffee date.

 

loki, son of a bitch: stop stressing yourself out so much before you start breaking out. you'll be fine, val

 

absolute queen: okay. yeah. i will have an acne free day today and i will come home with a girlf

 

Thot of Thunder: That's the spirit!!

 

* * *

 

**3:16 PM**

 

_absolute queen sent a message to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen 1.png

absolute queen: 2.png

absolute queen: dress or flannel w/ shorts?

 

loki, son of a bitch: flannel

 

Thot of Thunder: Flannel.

 

dipsy: Definitely flannel

 

absolute queen: thanks

absolute queen: you think i should wear earrings? necklace? bracelets?

 

loki, son of a bitch: that one choker you have with the matching bracelet would look cute

 

absolute queen: thank u loki ur a queen

 

loki, son of a bitch: thanks i guess

 

absolute queen: y'all think i should keep it natural or,,?

 

Thot of Thunder: I don't think it'd matter too much!

 

dipsy: I'd say keep it natural. Don't want to overdo it on the first date

 

loki, son of a bitch: keep it natural but cover up your acne now and regret it later

 

absolute queen: wait am i breaking out

absolute queen: shit i am

 

Thot of Thunder: It's barely noticeable! You'll be fine.

 

absolute queen: thanks guys you're the best

absolute queen: i like?? cannot stop freaking out

absolute queen: i haven't went on a date in forever

absolute queen: i mean like. i've had sex dates and one night stands in fucking _sakaar_ but that's all they were

absolute queen: i haven't had like an actual girlfriend since i was a valkyrie

 

Thot of Thunder: Val.

 

absolute queen: ?

 

Thot of Thunder: You're going to do great

 

loki, son of a bitch: literally what girl wouldn't immediately fall in love with you when they first see you

 

absolute queen: good point

absolute queen: i still have like an hour until our date fuck

 

dipsy: Talk about her!

 

absolute queen: well. she's a midgardian

absolute queen: she has this really sweet and sassy voice that makes me w e a k

absolute queen: she's like a whole head taller than me

absolute queen: she has naturally coily hair and she never does anything with it and it's adorable

absolute queen: fashion queen? yeah

 

Thot of Thunder: She sounds really sweet!

 

dipsy: she sounds like an absolute goddess

 

absolute queen: she IS

 

loki, son of a bitch: how did you two meet?

 

absolute queen: okay so i was in front of her in line for tickets to a movie

absolute queen: and i was just wearing a t-shirt that day and she apparently saw the valkyrie mark and she was like "i really like ur tattoo!!!" and i was like "wow thanks!!" and i complimented her earrings and lesbian flag bracelet and we just started talking and it turns out we were going to see the same movie _and_ we were only a couple seats away from each other and nobody was sitting in between

 

dipsy: What movie were you guys seeing?

 

absolute queen: in

absolute queen: incredibles 2

 

Thot of Thunder: Big Mood

 

loki, son of a bitch: me

 

absolute queen: and when the movie was over she was like "hey i'm free next week if you want to hang out" and i was like "starbucks?" and she was like "starbucks."

absolute queen: SHIT I GTG SHE SAYS SHE'S ON HER WAY EARLIER THAN I EXPECTED

 

Thot of Thunder: Good luck!!

 

dipsy: GET HER sweetheart

 

loki, son of a bitch: #slay queen

 

_absolute queen, dipsy, and Thot of Thunder favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "#slay queen"._

 

absolute queen: ILY GUYS MWAH MWAH MWAH

 

* * *

 

**7:46 PM**

 

_loki, son of a bitch sent a message to "loki wants grandaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

loki, son of a bitch: i just had a shower thought

loki, son of a bitch: brunnhilde rhymes with matilda if you pronounce the e enough

 

Thot of Thunder: It DOES rhyme with Matilda!!

dipsy: me, a mere mortal who holds no significant place in the universe, thinking in the shower: what would happen if we lost. what if i died. what if my boyfriend died. how was the universe created. what if my boyfriend died. how do we know for sure that our theories about everything are nothing more than meaningless figments. what if my boyfriend died. would things have been different if i didn't turn into hulk that one time. what if my boyfriend died.

dipsy: you, literal god of mischief, one of the strongest beings in the universe, thinking in the shower: haha friend's name rhymes with movie character name if ur silly

 

loki, son of a bitch: yeah

 

_dipsy and Thot of Thunder favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "yeah"._

 

Thot of Thunder: In my opinion, you're very significant.

 

dipsy: Thanks. I think you're pretty significant, too

 

loki, son of a bitch: gay

 

Thot of Thunder: No, you.

 

loki, son of a bitch: no u

 

dipsy: No no u'ing allowed.

 

Thot of Thunder: No, you!

 

loki, son of a bitch: jesus christ

 

* * *

 

 

**8:38 PM**

 

_Thot of Thunder sent a message to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

Thot of Thunder: img342.png

Thot of Thunder: Selfie!

 

_loki, son of a bitch and dipsy favorited Thot of Thunder's message: "img342.png"._

 

loki, son of a bitch: hamsome,,,

 

dipsy: You're perfect

 

Thot of Thunder: ♥♥♥

 

dipsy: ♥♥♥

 

loki, son of a bitch: and here we see two soft and loving boyfriends cherishing each other in the wild

 

_Thot of Thunder and dipsy favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "and here we see two soft and loving…"._

 

Thot of Thunder: Haha.

 

dipsy: I like to embrace it

 

_Thot of Thunder and loki, son of a bitch favorited dipsy's message: "I like to embrace it"._

 

* * *

 

**9:44 PM**

 

_absolute queen sent a message to "loki wants granddaddy to (redacted) his (redacted)"._

 

absolute queen: what's up gays i'm back

 

dipsy: So, how did it go?

 

absolute queen: she took me back to her place and now we're having dinner next week

 

Thot of Thunder: See! You did amazing.

 

absolute queen: i was an absolute MESS the entire time but yeah other than that i did great

absolute queen: also, she complimented my choker and bracelet so thank you loki

 

loki, son of a bitch: i'm the fashion guru of the group wyd

 

Thot of Thunder: You dress like a witch half the time but okay.

 

loki, son of a bitch: thanks for your opinion that i didn't ask for

 

_absolute queen, dipsy, and Thor of Thunder favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "thanks for your opinion that i didn't ask…"._

 

dipsy: Absolutely destroyed

 

absolute queen: me

absolute queen: btu can you believe that i technically have a girlfriend now like what

 

loki, son of a bitch: we're so proud of you

loki, son of a bitch: but unfortunately that now leaves the ratio of happily taken to lonely at 3 to 1

 

dipsy: You poor thing

 

Thot of Thunder: It's okay, Loki! Soon you'll find someone who will be in love with you despite the fact that you're the God of Mischief and has killed literal hundreds.

 

loki, son of a bitch: [ tenor.gif ](https://media.tenor.com/images/4125b71b46d0dd2d459689e0d12d5cf0/tenor.gif)

 

absolute queen: hey, who knows. maybe someone is turned on by that

absolute queen: i can name a couple guys

 

loki, son of a bitch: don't

 

_absolute queen, Thot of Thunder, and dipsy favorited loki, son of a bitch's message: "don't"._


	11. Phase 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -shuri's phone  
> -jun 19, 2018

 

**6:30 PM**

 

_T-pose sent a message to "Y A M E R O"._

 

T-pose: @ everyone is everyone up? it's 9:30 over there everyone better be up because you guys are getting a makeover

 

blue-eyed jerk: wdym makeover

 

T-pose: you first

 

_T-pose has changed blue-eyed jerk's nickname to "tony stark repellent"._

 

tony stark repellent: wow okay i guess

 

_T-pose has changed their username to "despacito"._

 

tony stark repellent: it's a cold and it's a broken despacito

 

despacito: tony's gonna keep his name bc i actually like it

despacito: where is the bitch anyway

 

tony stark repellent: oh he saw himself out again

tony stark repellent: btw you didn't actually mention everyone try again

 

despacito: shit

despacito: guess they'll have to figure it out themselves

 

_despacito has added mr snark to "Y A M E R O"._

 

_tony stark repellent has changed stephen's nickname to "houdini"._

 

mr snark: He's not going to like that

 

tony stark repellent: that's the point

tony stark repellent: hey what should peter's name be

 

mr snark: I have an idea. He teased me the other day and I want to pay him back.

 

tony stark repellent: mod abilities are all yours but you're not allowed to mute or kick anybody

 

mr snark: And you are?

mr snark: I hope you're aware how much you abuse that power

 

tony stark repellent: i'm tony stark repellent it is literally my job to make sure you're not here

tony stark repellent: speaking of which

 

mr snark: [ dont.jpg ](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/815868583146295296/c9AqVHLL_400x400.jpg)

 

tony stark repellent: i'm kidding you're good

 

_mr snark has changed Big Spider's nickname to "Gentle Miss Spider"._

 

mr snark: Spinner or Shimmer?

 

tony stark repellent: SHIMMER

 

despacito: SPINNER

despacito: do spinner bc he's gonna pick it up quicker

 

_mr snark has changed little spider uwu's nickname to "Spinner",_

 

_despacito has changed Spinner's nickname to "spinner"._

 

tony stark repellent: wait guys i have an idea

 

_tony stark repellent has changed Gentle Miss Spider's nickname to "Big Spider"._

 

_tony stark repellent has changed spinner's nickname to "little spider uwu"._

 

_tony stark repellent has changed houdini's nickname to "stephen"._

 

_23 messages and 11 moderator changes have been deleted by tony stark repellent._

 

* * *

 

**6:42 PM**

 

_just bucky has added despacito and Tony STank to a new group chat._

 

_just bucky has renamed the group chat "evil plotting"._

 

_just bucky has changed their nickname to "numero uno"._

 

_just bucky has changed despacito's nickname to "numero dos"._

 

_just bucky has changed Tony STank's nickname to "numero dos #2"._

 

numero dos #2: Really? Really? Are you serious? Really?

 

numero uno: i can't count past dos i'm sorry

 

numero dos: don't shame his lack of education, tony

numero dos: he just wasn't raised in the proper environment

 

numero uno: yeah that's it

 

numero dos #2: Yeah, that's definitely it

numero dos #2: So what was your idea?

numero uno: THIS is where we discuss the change of our friends' nicknames

numero uno: so they don't see us plotting out in the open

 

numero dos: how bold of you to assume they're my friends

 

_numero uno and numero dos #2 favorited numero dos's message: "how bold of you to assume they're my…"._

 

numero uno: anyway i know how to do this command to mass change everyone's nicknames to unique ones so they don't see a pile of messages telling them what's happening

numero uno: i just changed everyone's nicknames besides me and shuri's so they don't see it early

 

numero dos #2: I have a suggestion

 

numero uno: please share

 

numero dos #2: We make Vision be Wanda's Dildo

 

numero dos: FJKDDSLKASLA mr stark ur a genius

 

numero uno: i read that in peter's voice

 

numero dos #2: Me too

numero dos #2: Noted?

 

numero uno: i already put th command in

 

numero dos: scott is comic relief

 

numero uno: no that's mean leave him alone he's the new guy

 

numero dos #2: He's been the new guy for three years

 

numero uno: leave him alone he's still the new guy

 

numero dos: formicidae

numero dos: his name should be formicidae

 

numero uno: i can't spell that the letters are weird is that a c l d or dd and is that mm or nm

 

numero dos #2: All four of your options are incorrect, Barnes

 

numero uno: oh shit are they

 

numero dos: f  o r m i c i  d a e

 

numero uno: haha it's aesthetic

 

numero dos: james buchanan barnes you are an imbecile

 

numero dos #2: Just don't use that name if he can't read it

 

numero uno: tony starnk cares about me,,,

 

numero dos: tony starnk

 

numero dos #2: It's a natural instinct, I basically babysit everyone in the compound

 

numero dos: i thought ur girlfriend did that for you

 

numero dos #2: You'd be surprised

 

numero uno: heeye hey

numero uno: wanda will be little russian lady

 

numero dos: ALKJFRFKJDLDSKA

numero dos: please…

 

numero dos #2: Get me some beets

 

numero dos: hey hey

numero dos: thor = bodhi

 

numero uno: he looks just like him

 

numero dos #2: I've actually made that joke with him before

 

numero uno: iconic

 

numero dos #2: Clint will be Robin Hood

 

numero dos: jkfkdsjdks he will Not Like That

 

numero uno: I swear we're going to be put on everyone's hit list after this

 

numero dos #2: I already am in all honesty

numero dos #2: Hey

 

numero uno: ?

 

numero dos: ?

 

numero dos #2: Scott is PF Langs

 

numero dos: THAT IS SO STUPID I LOVE IT

 

numero uno: oh my god jfkdsjakl

 

numero dos: rhodey is rainbow rhodes

 

numero uno: nintendo 64 was the best rainbow road

 

numero dos #2: No, Mario Kart Wii was

 

numero dos: mario kart 8 u ignoramuses

 

numero dos #2: Should T'challa be Pink Panther or Typical American

 

numero dos: typical american

 

numero uno: typical american

 

numero dos: sam will be sam falcon

 

numero uno: wait wait wait

numero uno: he should be soaring, flying

 

numero dos: YES

 

numero dos #2: Oh my god

numero dos #2: Quill's Star-Munch

 

numero uno: wait. wait i don't get it

 

numero dos: y'know starlord right

 

numero uno: sort of

 

numero dos #2: He's Star-lord, Bucky

 

numero uno: oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

numero dos: you poor thing

numero dos: loki's lowkey

 

numero uno: obviously

numero uno: and steve will be war never changes

 

numero dos: jhtrgdfskal

 

numero dos #2: Wait, what?

 

numero uno: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B-xHZL_nM4 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B-xHZL_nM4)

 

_numero dos #2 favorited numero uno's message: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B-xHZL_nM4"._

 

numero dos #2: That is literally 2016 summarized

 

numero uno: I KNOW

 

numero dos: alright enter the command and i'll tag everyone

 

numero uno: okay

 

* * *

 

**6:55 AM**

 

_17 moderator changes have been put in action._

 

_16 users have been re-named. 1 user remained constant._

 

despacito: @everyone it's despacito 2 (phase 2)

 

robin hood: holy shit what did you do

 

little russian lady: tony is the only one i recognize i'm crying

 

PF Langs: i am so confused what

 

_houdini has left the group chat._

 

_mr snark has added houdini to "Y A M E R O"._

 

_tony stark repellent has renamed the group chat "Phase 2"._

 

rainbow rhodes: Did I get put in a new group chat??

 

despacito: no this is the same one

 

War Never Changes: Whose ideas was this??

 

Typical American: Shuri, was this your idea? Did you do this?

 

despacito: yeah it was me, numero uno, and numero dos #2

 

Gentle Miss Spider: You, Bucky, Little Peter?

 

spinner: i don't even know what's going on don't drag me into this

 

Typical American: You, Bucky, Big Peter?

 

star-munch: i would _not_ let them call me star-munch

 

tony stark repellent: here's a hint

tony stark repellent: it'd be the last person you think would do this with us

 

houdini: **ANTHONY EDWARD STARK GET YOUR ASS ONLINE**

 

spinner: WHY DID I JUMP AT THAT IT IS LITERALLY A TEXT MESSAGE

 

mr snark: Hello, hi

 

PF Langs: oh shit houdini's angry

 

sam: eyes emoji

 

War Never Changes: Did you help them out, Tony?

mr snark: Yeah

 

houdini: Hmm.

 

houdini: I'm not surprised that you did this. I'm surprised that you did this with them

 

despacito: the tony stark repellent is wearing off

 

tony stark repellent: i can fix that

 

houdini: Don't

 

tony stark repellent: yes sir uwu

 

spinner: no,,, uwu clture….

 

Wanda's Dildo: I don't mean to interrupt, but what's going on? Is this a new group chat?

 

despacito: it's the same one you're good vision

 

little russian lady: AJKFDHSKJFJSIALKJAK

 

robin hood: HOLY SHIT

 

little russian lady: WHICH ONE OF YOU CAME UP WITH THAT

 

spinner: i strongly feel like it was bucky

 

despacito: oh that one was actually tony's idea

 

mr snark: I am not looking too good today

 

tony stark repellent: i love how when you finally decide to be our buddy, everything is suddenly on you

 

mr snark: I know right? When does it end

 

War Never Changes: What do you mean? Everything always is on him.

 

_mr snark, houdini, tony stark repellent, little russian lady and spinner favorited War Never Changes's message: "What do you mean? Everything always is on him."._

 

robin hood: major oof

 

mr snark: How did i not expect that

 

star-munch: ok but who came up with star-munch

 

despacito: tony

 

tony stark repellent: tony

 

Rainbow Rhodes: I think it'd be easier to list all the ones Tony _didn't_ come up with

 

despacito: i came up with your name

 

Rainbow Rhodes: Nice to know because it sucks

 

spinner: O O F

 

despacito: xoxo

 

robin hood: i want to know who came up with robin hood so i can kill them in their sleep

 

mr snark: Hmm.

 

despacito: hmmmmm

 

tony stark repellent: hmmmmmm.

 

robin hood: it was tony wasn't it

 

mr snark: Bingo

 

Gentle Miss Spider: Tony, I hope you're aware that half the Avengers hate you right now

 

tony stark repellent: oh btw nat tony came up with your name

 

mr snark: Would this be a good opportunity to dab

 

despacito: ironically

 

spinner: really bc i thought all the avengers hated him but they didn't ditch him bc he was rich and mildly intelligent

 

houdini: "Mildly intelligent"

 

War Never Changes: He's intelligent, but only a little bit

 

Gentle Miss Spider: That is _not_ how it was

 

mr snark: That's exactly how it was wyd

 

tony stark repellent: damn i wish i was an avenger solely so i could see that go down

 

star-munch: mood

 

despacito: me

 

tony stark repellent: hey steve did sam see the change yet

 

War Never Changes: He's on invisible mode

 

star-munch: the bastard's always in invisible mode

 

tony stark repellent: [ h.jpg ](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9lc0SNdx7hc/hqdefault.jpg)

tony stark repellent: @soaring, flying

 

soaring, flying: i wish i was the fallen tile

 

spinner: mood

 

despacito: me

 

Typical American: That images leaves me so distraught. What's going on. Is he okay. Why is he about to hit the ceiling.

 

PF Langs: because he's soaring, flying

 

Typical American: That definitely answers all my questions, thanks

 

soaring, flying: wait i just realized thor's name ajfkdjsklsa

 

Rocky Rhodes: Who's Thor? I only know Bodhi

 

despacito: HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM THOUGH

 

star-munch: some people would call this a form of bullying based on appearance

 

spinner: it's not bullying if it's ur friends

 

PF Langs: i don't want to be the idiot rn but who's bodhi

 

star-munch: he's the surfer dude from point break

 

PF Langs: all of them are surfer dudes

 

houdini: Out of all of them, who do you think is Bodhi? Like, think about it. It _can't_ be the one with long flowing blonde hair just like Thor, God of Thunder, it just _can't._

 

PF Langs: ok sorry you didn't need to be mean about it

 

spinner: point break was a good movie

 

_despacito has kicked spinner from the group chat._

 

star-munch: no let him speak

 

_mr snark has added spinner to "Phase 2"._

 

spinner: no it's bad i just wanted to see who would react first

 

star-munch: traitor

 

spinner: xoxo

 

* * *

 

**11:11 PM**

 

tony stark repellent: 11:11 wish: i wish you were all dead

 

despacito: ouch but same

 

houdini: Sometimes I forget how drastically different our time zones are. I'm having an afternoon lunch right now and you two should be in bed.

 

tony stark repellent: i'm not a kid anymore mom

 

mr snark: Really? Because I doubt it frequently

 

tony stark repellent: i'll throw a temper tantrum if u don't quit

 

despacito: quit bullying the 11-year-old

 

mr snark: I think this is the part where I'm supposed to say "and what if I don't?" and the 11-year-old kicks me

 

houdini: I think you're right

 

tony stark repellent: he is

 

_tony stark repellent has kicked mr snark from the group chat._


	12. no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -tony's phone  
> -jun 20 2018

**11:02 AM**

 

_Pepper sent a message to "Obligatory Seasoning Puns"._

 

Pepper: Heads up, my airplane got delayed so I'll be coming home in one hour, actually.

 

Salt: Oh? I thought you said you said you'd be coming over at 4 PM?

 

Pepper: 4 pm BST, sweetheart :)

 

Salt: Wait

 

Paprika: She was supposed to be walking through the door right now, babe :)

 

Salt: Oh shoot

Salt: My bad

 

Pepper: You're fine, honey

Pepper: The compound better not be a _complete_ disaster like last time

Pepper: I'll take messy, but I'm not taking utter chaos lol

 

Salt: Hey! I'll be right back

 

* * *

 

**11:05 AM**

 

_mr snark sent a message to "Phase 2"._

 

mr snark: @everyone Okay so Pepper is coming home in an hour and not five and the compound is a _complete_ disaster so anyone who comes over and helps me clean will get fifty dollars each

 

_1 new message from Pepper in "Obligatory Seasoning Puns": "Tony?"_

 

star-munch: just fifty? you're a billionaire

 

mr snark: just fifty? you're throwing away empty containers and washing clothes for not even an hour

 

robin hood: but you see

 

_1 new message from Paprika in "Obligatory Seasoning Puns": "Tony you imbecile"._

 

robin hood: we're also saving you from pepper being angry at you and we all know how you don't like it when pepper's mad so our work value increases a lot

robin hood: also since you're rich you can pay us more

 

mr snark: Above 50$/hr??

 

robin hood: yeah

 

mr snark: I'll pay you whatever you want just come over and help before Pepper eats me alive

 

robin hood: i'll be over in 20 with an empty wallet

 

spinner: i'll come over in 10 mr stark

 

mr snark: Thank you, Peter

 

spinner: also expect an empty wallet

 

mr snark: Alright

 

houdini: I'll be over whenever I guess

 

mr snark: Thanks Stephen :)

 

star-munch: see i would help but i'm kind of um. in space

 

tony stark repellent: mood

tony stark repellent: lmao how often does this happen

 

houdini: You'd be surprised

 

robin hood: would he

 

tony stark repellent: would i

 

mr snark: Anyway before the emotional harassment ensues

 

robin hood: honestly that's this entire group chat

 

_tony stark repellent has renamed the group chat "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

star-munch: 50% memes 50% tony stark victimization

robin hood: alright, leave the grown man baby alone

 

houdini: I thought Bucky was the grown man baby

 

_tony stark repellent has kicked houdini from the group chat._

 

mr snark: Now look what you did! You made him throw a temper tantrum.

 

_tony stark repellent has kicked mr snark from the group chat._

 

_robin hood has added mr snark to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

_star-munch has added houdini to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

tony stark repellent: anyone else

 

star-munch: you're horrible. awful. you're satan

 

_tony stark repellent has kicked star-munch from the group chat._

 

mr snark: @despacito Please come control your White Wakandan Friend

 

_despacito has revoked moderator abilities from tony stark repellent._

 

_despacito has added star-munch to "Phase 2"._

 

_despacito has temporarily muted tony stark repellent for ten minutes._

 

despacito: @tony stark repellent you're grounded. sit in the corner and think about your actions

 

_1 new message from Pepper in "Obligatory Seasoning Puns": "Thirty minutes, Tones"._

 

_Salt sent a reply to "Obligatory Seasoning Puns": "I got it babe"._

 

_1 new message from Paprika in "Obligatory Seasoning Puns": "Your babe's got it for you"._

 

_1 new message from Pepper in "Obligatory Seasoning Puns": "I doubt that but okay"_

_._

star-munch: wait what did you do

star-munch: did you mute him

 

despacito: yeah

despacito: i set a command so a ten minute timer starts and then he's unmuted

despacito: this is only the second time i've had to do this to someone

 

star-munch: haha that's sick

star-munch: who's the other guy

 

despacito: little peter

 

star-munch: LMAO

 

spinner: yeah she pretty much babysits us

 

despacito: ik and it's soul-draining

 

spinner: ♥

 

despacito: ♥

 

* * *

 

**11:57 AM**

 

_Pepper sent a message to "Obligatory Seasoning Puns"._

 

Pepper: Hey, Tony?

 

Salt: Yes, sweetheart?

 

Pepper: Why are there other cars parked here?

 

Salt: Oh! You're home

 

Pepper: Is that Peter's car??

 

Salt: ,No

 

Pepper: Did you make him clean up the compound?

 

Salt: No

 

Pepper: I love how you think you can lie to my face

 

Paprika: He's half telling the truth

Paprika: He paid him

 

Pepper: WHAT

 

Salt: Yeah he's right

 

Pepper: Sweetie I love you with all my life but

Pepper: You ASS

 

Salt: Love you too?

 

Pepper: I Swear To Jesus Tony you can't just pay your child to clean the compound for you

 

Paprika: Not to take anyone's side but he helped

 

Salt: Nvm I'll see you when I get in there

 

Paprika: Tony

Paprika: You're a goner

Paprika: I'll see you next weekend if you aren't 6 ft under sweetheart xoxo

 

Pepper: Oh he'll be fine

 

Salt: xoxo

 

* * *

 

**2:03 PM**

 

_spinner sent a message to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

spinner: @houdini hey

spinner: hey stephen

 

houdini: ?

 

_spinner has changed houdini's nickname to skidaddle skidoodle._

 

_skidaddle skidoodle has left the group chat._

 

star-munch: KJFEKSD

 

_star-munch has added skidaddle skidoodle to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

skidaddle skidoodle: I feel obligated to say it now but I'm not going to

 

spinner: why not

 

skidaddle skidoodle: Because then you'll feel a sense of dominance and I'm not going to allow that

 

PF Langs: look at this guy. he thinks he's dominant over someone

 

tony stark repellent: i can name a couple people he's dominant over

 

despacito: c'mon bucky you _just_ got out

 

_spinner has kicked tony stark repellent from the group chat._

 

spinner: go ahead! say it

spinner: Oh Wait. hm

 

_PF Langs has added tony stark repellent to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

PF Langs: no let him speak

 

tony stark repellent: nah i was just kidding lol

 

PF Langs: oh .hm

PF Langs: he's useless to me you can put him back now

 

_spinner has kicked tony stark repellent from the group chat._

 

_soaring, flying has added tony stark repellent to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

tony stark repellent: thanks

 

soaring, flying: just because someone deserves something doesn't mean u should give it to them lmao

 

tony stark repellent: nevermind traitor

tony stark repellent: i'll just see myself out this time

 

_tony stark repellent has left the group chat._

 

PF Langs: poor buck just decided to give up on everything

 

_star-munch has added tony stark repellent to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

tony stark repellent: i'm too old for this shit

 

skidaddle skidoodle: Mood

 

spinner: i'm pretty sure 90% of the people in this group chat are too old for this shit

 

star-munch: yeah ur right

 

despacito: hey guys shut up for a second i have something to show you

despacito: @everyone @little russian lady

 

little russian lady: why did you tag me i'm not your friend

 

_star-munch and tony stark repellent favorited little russian lady's message: "why did you tag me i'm not your…"._

 

tony stark repellent: is it me getting mod abilities back

 

despacito: no

 

tony stark repellent: then i'm not interested

 

despacito: ok but guys guys watch this

despacito: @Wanda's Dildo hey vision!

Wanda's Dildo: Hello, lieutenant! My name is Vision. I'm the android sent by CyberLife.

 

little russian lady: I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU

 

spinner: NO

 

PF Langs: JKRFJDLDKSAKS

 

mr snark: To be honest

mr snark: I don't get it

 

Gentle Miss Spider: It's okay, I don't either

 

skidaddle skidoodle: Me neither

 

Typical American: I am Connor the android sent by CyberLife

 

soaring, flying: I am android the cyberlife sent by connor

 

_star-munch, tony stark repellent, Typical American, War Never Changes and robin hood favorited soaring, flying's message: "i am android the cyberlife sent by connor"._

 

little russian lady: this group chat is so. cursed

 

despacito: we already got that established sweetie

 

Rainbow Rhodes: I'm not even going to ask

 

soaring, flying: **i am android the cyberlife sent by connor**

 

little russian lady: **enough**

 

* * *

 

**7:06 PM**

 

_tony stark repellent sent a message to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

tony stark repellent: hey @despacito may i get mod abilities back please

 

despacito: no

 

mr snark: You have manners! lmfao

 

tony stark repellent: [ please.jpg ](https://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/selectall/2016/08/11/11-gavin.w710.h473.jpg)

 

spinner: mr stark you are so lucky rn

 

despacito: he's _itching_ to kick you

 

tony stark repellent: i'm actually screaming in frustration over this

 

spinner: mood

 

star-munch: i think the funniest part about this is that it was a problem in the first place

 

robin hood: i know right

 

PF Langs: i feel like if shuri didn't ground him, he would've kicked someone at least six times by now

 

tony stark repellent: i feel trapped.

tony stark repellent: caged

tony stark repellent: like an animal

 

mr snark: You're so dramatic

 

despacito: uwu

 

tony stark repellent: you are too tf

 

spinner: no,,..w., uwu,,,.. culture…

 

mr snark: M

mr snark: aybe so

 

star-munch: little peter….

 

spinner: big peter….

 

star-munch: you said .w. ….

 

_spinner has left the group chat._

 

_star-munch has added spinner to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

star-munch: .w.?

 

spinner: if i wasn't as low as bucky you would've been kicked three times in the past twenty seconds

 

star-munch: or maybe it's because you think i'm cool? thinking emoji

 

spinner: i thought you were cool up until you said .w.

 

star-munch: **oof**

 

despacito: quill culture is saying oof in june 2018

 

robin hood: hey at least he admitted that he thought you were cool

 

tony stark repellent: shuri culture is calling someone out for saying oof in june 2018 even though she does it herself

 

spinner: key word thought smh

 

despacito: hey bucky wanna find out what the difference is between being kicked from a group chat and being banned from one

 

tony stark repellent: she's threatening me

 

despacito: die mad about it

 

_mr snark, tony stark repellent, spinner, robin hood and star-munch favorited despacito's message: "die mad about it"._

 

tony stark repellent: wow ok

 

mr snark: New motto right here

 

* * *

 

**9:14 PM**

 

_despacito sent a message to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

despacito: hm. today was very uneventful. i'm disappointed

 

tony stark repellent: it was uneventful bc you blocked all my abilities and i'm usually the life of the party

 

despacito: maybe so

 

star-munch: hardly anyone was active today smh guys

 

spinner: maybe they all threw a secret party and didn't invite us

 

star-munch: mayhaps…

 

despacito: hey @tony stark repellent i gave u mod abilities back solely because i'm bored

 

tony stark repellent: oh thank god

tony stark repellent: @mr snark hey

 

mr snark: no

 

tony stark repellent: starnk

 

mr snark: no

 

tony stark repellent: c'mon

 

mr snark: no

 

tony stark repellent: :(

 

mr snark: no

 

tony stark: tony :(

 

mr snark: :/

mr snark: greasy hair

 

_tony stark repellent has kicked mr snark from the group chat._


	13. vore nation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> +Ned Leeds  
> +Michelle Jones  
> +Liz Allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -peter's phone  
> -june 21st, 2018

**3:00 AM**

 

_mj sent a message to spideyboy._

 

capitalism: beter

capitalism: beter

capitalism: beter

capitalism: i know ur up lmao

 

spideyboy: :/

 

capitalism: liz wants to make a group chat with you, me, and nedward

 

spideyboy: liz. you. you mean my highschool crush from like 2 yrs ago

 

capitalism: Don't Act Like You Don't Keep In Touch With Her

 

spideyboy: shit u right

spideyboy: here lemme change my name first

 

_spideyboy has changed their username to phether._

 

capitalism: hmmmmmmm

 

**3:05 AM**

 

_capitalism has added phether, lizard queen, and nedward to a new group chat._

 

_capitalism has renamed the group chat "awkward teens make do"._

 

phether: i already don't like this

 

lizard queen: Awkward Teens Make Do

 

phether: i am politely asking you to stop

 

lizard queen: And I'm politely telling you no

 

phether: ex fucking cuse me

 

capitalism: mood

capitalism: hey where's ned? liz has been wanting to catch up with him ://

 

phether: oh uhh he passed out while playing fortnite earlier

 

lizard queen: Tbh? Mood

 

capitalism: did he complete the weekly challenges yet

 

phether: lmao no

 

capitalism: weak

 

lizard queen: I completed them like within the first two days they came out lmfao

 

phether: you?? play fortnite??

 

lizard queen: No, I sit around all day in my room looking pretty and my hobbies including looking for DIYs on Pinterest and skin care tips

 

phether: that's understandable

 

capitalism: Nice Girls Play Video Games

 

lizard queen: Nice Girls Get 12 Kill Streaks

 

phether: jsuse crihst you should play w me and ned sometime liz

 

lizard queen: And carry you to victory?

 

phether: Yes.

 

lizard queen: I'll think about it :/ ♥

 

phether: ♥

 

capitalism: oh hmm. by the way. liz and i are dating so don't get your hopes up

 

phether: nah not interested

phether: congrats tho how long?

 

lizard queen: Middle finger emoji

 

capitalism: uhh about a couple weeks now

 

lizard queen: Since the 3rd right?

 

capitalism: sounds about right idc about dates

 

lizard queen: Oh mood

 

phether: phattest

 

lizard queen: Anyway it's late for me so I'm gonna head in

 

phether: gn

 

capitalism: goodnight b ily

capitalism: im gonna go to bed too actually lmao bye

 

phether: _both_ ditching me?? lmao thanks guys

 

capitalism: go to sleep loser lol ily

 

phether: :/

  


**11:07 AM**

 

_Nedward sent a message to "awkward teens make do"._

 

Nedward: WHAT

 

phether: oh mood

 

lizard queen: Lmao hey Ned

 

capitalism: sup nednerd

 

lizard queen: "nednerd" That's so stupid oh my god

 

_phether has changed Nedward's name to nednerd._

 

nednerd: I think that's the worst and lamest one you came up with

 

phether: what about nedwad

 

lizard queen: Close Second

 

nednerd: Honestly each one just gets worse than the last

nednerd: Okay but seriously like who's lizard queen?

 

capitalism: i'll give you three guesses

 

phether: it's liz

 

nednerd: Liz? From freshman year?

 

capitalism: yeah that liz

 

nednerd: Gnarly

 

phether: liz is dating mj can u believe

 

nednerd: Oh that's cute!!!

 

capitalism: yeah haha turns out my momma was wrong when she thought i was into boys

capitalism: turns out im just a useless lesbian :/

 

lizard queen: and i am but a useless pan

 

nednerd: Useless gay :/

 

phether: oh are we doing this now. im useless bi and pathetic trans

 

lizard queen: valid

 

capitalism: well would you look at that

 

phether: holy shit ned i didn't know you were gay!!!

 

capitalism: he has literally never had a girlfriend

capitalism: just an observation

 

phether: that could just mean he wasn't interested in dating

 

capitalism: it's. we're about to go to college. if you haven't dated yet then idk what to tell you man

 

phether: i mean i guess so

 

lizard queen: I've had like 3 gfs and 5 bfs I'm crying

 

phether: i've had a total of Two Girlfriends

 

capitalism: hey remember when you and shuri tried to be a thing but then like 2 days later she was like "fuck im a lesbian"

 

lizard queen: She had to date Peter to realize she was a lesbian

 

phether: fuck you

 

lizard queen: Suck my toes.

 

phether: what

 

capitalism: [ toes.jpg ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/461897943520116747/465576281459654657/image.jpg)

capitalism: liz

 

phether: WHAT

 

nednerd: I'm so sorry little one (vores your toes)

 

lizard queen: Thanks

 

phether: **WHAT**

 

capitalism: vape nation more like vore nation

 

_phether has left the group chat._

 

_capitalism has added phether to "awkward teens make do"._

 

capitalism: coward

 

_lizard queen has renamed the group chat "vore nation"._

 

lizard queen: Beter, your toes

 

phether: im scared

 

lizard queen: Hand them over.

 

phether: w-what

 

lizard queen: [ handthemover.jpg ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/463146013021044744/465570066482724884/image.jpg)

 

phether: i surrender

phether: i surrender oh my god what master do you serve

 

nednerd: The Toe Master, of course

 

capitalism: The Toe Master, Of Course

 

phether: you guys are so fucking cursed

 

nednerd: Prepare to meet your maker

 

phether: im shaking

 

lizard queen: That may be because of your lack of toes

 

phether: gdfjkfdskla

 

lizard queen: What?

 

nednerd: Akjfdskakdl?

 

lizard queen: I can't ajfhsak understand kjfdjdks your accent fkjdjdskasakl

 

capitalism: it's gay speak babe

 

lizard queen: Oh Okay fkjdjfksdl

 

capitalism: there u go

 

nednerd: Keysmashing is automatically understood throughout the homosexual breed

 

phether: *Homosexual Breed

 

capitalism: "homosexual breed" you sound like a cishet white male homophobe

 

nednerd: Wdym I am a cishet white male homophobe

nednerd: Also skinny af and Christian

 

phether: who are you

 

lizard queen: Haha look at us making fun of majorities we're so woke

 

Nednerd: Minorities are cool I guess

 

capitalism: except politicians and rich people

 

phether: mark zuckerberg is okay but he's on thin fucking ice

 

nednerd: JHRDEUKSJD,

 

lizard queen: Mark Zuckerberg is the only valid rich person

lizard queen: My lifespan just decreased by thirty years

 

nednerd: Of course the lizard queen wants to support her own kind

 

capitalism: "only valid rich person" todd howard

 

phether: dkjfjdskl

 

nednerd: How could we have been so blind??

 

phether: Todd Howard Has A Heart

 

lizard queen: Sorry Stark Enterprises, new guy in town

 

nednerd: Todd Howard has the biggest dick energy

 

phether: AJFDGJSHD

phether: i would die for two (2) rich people

 

capitalism: but yeeter, your death would be meaningless to them

 

nednerd: They could just buy a new you

 

phether: :(

 

lizard queen: This is so sad Alexa play Despacito

 

phether: anyone's death is meaningless to them, they could just buy a new population

 

capitalism: if i ever become rich i want to buy the rights to start a new life

 

nednerd: If I ever become rich I'm buying IHOb to make the b stand for breakfast

 

phether: just a second

 

_phether sent a private message to Tony STank: "mr. stark can you please buy ihob to make the b stand for breakfast"_

 

_Tony STank sent a private message to phether: "How many times are you two going to ask me this????"._

 

_phether sent a private message to Tony STank: "please. make the boys in your life happy mr. stark. just change the b"._

 

lizard queen: What are you doing Pete

 

_phether sent a private message to stephen: "hey mr. strange i love u can you try convincing tonto to change the b again"._

 

_Tony STank sent a private message to pheter: "No, Peter"._

 

_stephen sent a private message to pheter: "I'll try"._

 

_phether sent a private message to Tony STank: " </3" _

 

_phether sent a private message to stephen: " <3" _

 

phether: sorry, i was checking my fortnite stats

 

nednerd: Akadjskfsd

 

lizard queen: I mean okay, I guess

 

capitalism: u were asking mr. stank to change the b again weren;t you

 

phether: One Day.

 

lizard: Wait. Wait Mr. Stank?

 

nednerd: Can we tell her??

 

phether: she Knows

phether: tony stark

 

lizard queen: Wait I thought you lost the Stark Internship though?

 

capitalism: nah

 

phether: i got it back

 

lizard queen: Hmm. Incheresting.

 

phether: worry face emoji

 

**5:33 PM**

 

_lizard queen sent a message to "vore nation"._

 

lizard queen: [ p.jpg ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/463146013021044744/464963291551367179/image.png)

lizard queen: Good evening, lads

 

_capitalism favorited lizard queen's message: "p.jpg"._

 

phether: w-what

 

capitalism: [ pizza.jpg ](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/463146013021044744/464958207522111489/image.png)

capitalism: sup babe

 

_lizard queen favorited capitalism's message: "pizza.jpg"._

 

nednerd: WHAT

 

phether: im genuinely frightened you two have _never_ acted like this before what happened

phether: not even a week ago it was despacito and t-posing _what happened_

 

lizard queen: The Toe Master

 

phether: **please i just want to see my family again**

 

capitalism: **_schlorps ur toes_ **

 

_phether has left the group chat._

 

_nednerd has added phether to "vore nation"._

 

_phether has left the group._

 

_lizard queen has added phether to "vore nation"._

 

lizard queen: Surrender now or forever miss your toes

 

phether: I SURRENDER

 

nednerd: Good. The Process Will Now Begin.

 

phether: i don't feel so good

 

capitalism: ok calm down guys don't frighten him

 

phether: too late this is engraved in my memory i have ptsd of this group chat now and there is no changing it

 

nednerd: Unfortunate.

 

lizard queen: The process is almost complete

 

phether: Good Bye

 

lizard queen: wait no

 

capitalism: peter

 

nednerd: PETER

 

lizard queen: @phether HOE

 

capitalism: LIZ ASJDFHJDFH


	14. fucking finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone commented "update coward" 4 days ago and im not a fucking coward so!!!! it's been six months but im not ending 2018 like a pussy  
> -  
> (thanks 2 rosewitchx for beta reading i lov u)  
> -  
> -shuri's phone??? sure  
> -right after ch 12 i think whenever that was

**9:18 PM**

 

_despacito sent a message to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

**despacito:** :/

**despacito:** bucky this is becoming a serious problem

 

**tony stark repellent:** it's a group chat for christ's sake

**tony stark repellent:** i'm not hurting him he'll be fine

 

**despacito:** still tho

 

**tony stark repellent:** he's a billionaire he's got other things to worry about

**tony stark repellent:** like not paying taxes

**tony stark repellent:** and capitalism

 

**despacito:** ,,,still tho

 

**robin hood:** love how u guys bicker over him but nobody takes any action to add him back

 

**tony stark repellent:** be quiet clint u make little if any difference to any sort of action taken in here besides offering your own presence

**tony stark repellent:**  and even that is inherently worthless

 

**robin hood:** damn i'm glad i'm deaf or the impact from hearing that would've hit a lot worse

 

**star-munch:** clint we love you and we're glad to have you here

 

**robin hood:** thanks

 

_skidaddle skidoodle added mr snark to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

**mr snark:** how long will it be until i'm finally kicked and never added back

 

**star-munch:** just leave??

 

**mr snark:** no because then he wins

 

**star-munch:** you two? babies. big babies.

 

**mr snark:** says the one who's carried around the same walkman like a blankie for the past 20 years, give or take

 

**star-munch:** okay LISTEN

 

**robin hood:** oh boy

 

**tony stark repellent:** here we go

 

**star-munch:** that walkman? that thing's been with me for YEARS. she knows my life story.

**star-munch:** and when you're up in space all the time, you NEED a gal like that

**star-munch:** no iphone or android could ever replace that bitch………..

 

**mr snark:** i'm sure of that

 

**star-munch:** and besides if your elon musk-looking ass ever came up here again you wouldn't survive just sayin

 

**despacito:** oh my god seriously you guys

 

**mr snark:** no i believe you

 

**star-munch:** you'd die from lack of oxygen before you're past Jupiter, it's just the facts

**star-munch:** you will die very quickly

 

**tony snark:** you're absolutely right i'm sorry

 

**star-munch:** so never disrespect my walkman again

 

**tony snark:** sorry

 

**tony stark repellent:** can't believe tonky shark just got DRAGGED by an alien…………your fave would never

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** F

 

**robin hood:** f for our fallen billionaire gamer

 

**despacito:** u guys don't have to "drag" each other every five minutes y'all are insane

**despacito:** not very wholesome

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** They're depressed what else are they supposed to do

 

**despacito:** good point. still unwholesome though

 

**tony snark:** thanks 4 the reminder i'm going to go think about all the times i've fucked up and then cry myself to sleep goodnight

 

**robin hood:** mood

 

**tony stark repellent:** kin

**3:37 AM**

 

_War Never Changes sent a message to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

**War Never Changes:** Hey guys! It's been awhile.

**War Never Changes:**

**War Never Changes:** Today I was revealed the image of God.

 

**robin hood:** what thw FUCK does that mean

**robin hood:** is that bugs bunny

 

_War Never Changes changed their nickname to War Never Chungus_

 

**War Never Chungus:** Big Chungus.

 

**tony stark repellent:** haha

**tony stark repellent:** i don't understand

 

**War Never Chungus:** In time you will!

 

**robin hood:** chungus sounds like a soup

 

**tony stark repellent:** steve. stevie. steveward. what does big chungus mean

 

**robin hood:** Chungus with a side of baked beans

**robin hood:** chungus chowder?????

 

**tony stark repellent:** please stop talking before i vomit

 

**star-munch:** go back to bed guys please

 

**tony stark repellent:** but what about big chungus

 

_despacito has revoked messaging abilities from 15 users._

 

_tony stark repellent changed despacito's nickname to ":/"._

 

**3:14 PM**

 

_spinner granted messaging abilities to 15 users._

 

**robin hood:** FUCKING FINALLY I GOT A LOT TO SAY Y'ALL BUCKLE UP

 

**spinner:** guys i need your help

 

**robin hood:** yeah pete what's wrong

 

**spinner:** this kid i'm babysitting

**spinner:** i need help

 

**tony snark:** wait _you're_ babysitting??

**tony snark:** you're like, fourteen

**tony snark:** you shouldn't be babysitting

 

**spinner:**????????? im 17?????????????????

 

**star-munch:** 2 be fair i thought you were like 11 when we were on titan

 

**spinner:**???????????

 

**:/:** what's the problem

 

**spinner:** well

**spinner:** um

**spinner:** you see

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** Peter.

 

**spinner:** we were playing dodgeball indoors

**spinner:** and i accidentally threw the ball too hard and knocked over this really expensive looking vase

**spinner:** he's freaking out right now

 

**tony stark repellent:** blame it on the kid we all make sacrifices

 

_:/ revoked messaging abilities from tony stark repellent._

 

**tony snark:** why were you playing dodgeball indoors!?

**tony snark:** i thought you would've learned your lesson when we knocked over a pot of coffee all over the blueprints for the prototype of the spidey stealth suit????

 

**spinner:** haha yeah

 

**robin hood:** tony this is why YOU shouldn't be babysitting

 

**spinner:** anyway this little 14 y/o's freaking out and his parents are gonna be home in like 5 minutes what do we DO

 

**tony snark:** i'll give you my credit info and then you can bribe the kid's parents

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** You can tell the truth and hope the consequences won't be bad??

 

**robin hood:** no offense doctor but you can be way cooler than that

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** Give me the address and I'll make a portal and repair the vase myself with magic

 

**robin hood:** yeah that's way more badass

**robin hood:** (it's a trick pete he's gonna yell at you)

 

**spinner:** I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE DOCOTR STRANGE PLEASE THEY'RE PULLING UP I PM'D YOU THE ADDRESS PLEASE PLEASE YOU CAN YELL AT ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT AFTER

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** Alright sounds good

_:/ granted messaging abilities to tony stark repellent._

 

**tony stark repellent:** freedom….freedom at last

 

**soaring, flying:** Ok but tf kind of parent gives their 14 y/o a babysitter

**soaring, flying:** actual torture

 

**tony stark repellent:** sam??? i thought you died in the cold war

 

**soaring, flying:** bet

 

**robin hood:** badass…….

**robin hood:** sam pls top me

 

**soaring, flying:** i would but you have a Wife dude

 

**tony stark repellent:** SDFGHDGJKHDFSKJ

 

**War Never Chungus:** WERTYUIOASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMQWERTYEYT

 

**tony stark repellent:** what the actual fuck that was an ugly keysmash steve

 

**despacito:** i internally vomited

 

**:/:** steve do you even know what keysmashing means asdfghjkhgf

 

**War Never Chungus:** No, not really. I just see you guys do it a lot.

**War Never Chungus:** Keysmashes can be ugly?

 

**tony snark:** yes they really can be

 

**tony stark repellent:** here i'll cut you a deal

**tony stark repellent:** i'll tell you how to keysmash properly and you tell me whatever last night was

**tony stark repellent:** with the Big Chungus thing

 

**War Never Chungus:** I'm sorry but I can't tell you what Big Chungus means. I'm not allowed to say.

 

**robin hood:** what the hell

 

**tony stark repellent:** oh my god steve

**tony stark repellent:** why can't you say

**tony stark repellent:** what did you get yourself into

**tony stark repellent:** is it a secret message

 

**soaring, flying:** woah chill

 

**tony stark repellent:** steve please tell me

**tony stark repellent:** is it hydra

 

**soaring, flying:** it's a picture of bugs bunny dude he probably found it on reddit or something

 

**War Never Chungus:** What's Reddit?

 

**tony stark repellent:** sam something terrible is happening

 

**tony snark:** Big Chungus is taking over i guess lmao

 

**:/:** asdfghj

 

**tony stark repellent:** THIS ISN'T A JOKE

 

**robin hood:** it's literally just soup dude

 

**skidaddle skidoodle:** I. Hmm.

**skidaddle skidoodle:** I don't think chungus is a soup, Clint, I'm sorry

 

**robin hood:** it's soup

 

**:/:** i can settle for that

**:/:** it's just soup bucky

 

**tony stark repellent:** it's NOT SOUP steve doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about

 

**tony snark:** where'd steve even go?

 

**soaring, flying:** steve?

 

**robin hood:** steve my guy where u at

 

**tony stark repellent:** STEVE

 

**War Never Chungus:**

**War Never Chungus:** Big Chungus looks down on us from above.

 

**tony stark repellent: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀÁÂÀÁÂÄÀÁÂÄÃÀÁÂÄÃ∀̗∀̖∀̤ ∀̗∀̖ ∀̗∀̖**

 

**:/:** WHAT THR FUCK ASDFGHJKL;S'

 

**robin hood:** STEVE ASDFGHJKLKJH

 

**tony snark:** WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

 

_tony stark repellent left the group chat._

 

**tony snark:** SDFGHJKLJHGFHSJKLDGHJKFKSAJKLSFJKHGS

 

**spinner:** WHATS GOIGN ON DHSHGUFSJK

 

**:/:** I DON'T **KNOW**

 

**robin hood:** steve what's going on sksksk

 

**War Never Chungus:** It's Big Chungus!

 

**soaring, flying:** who. is paying you. to do this.

 

**War Never Chungus:** What?

 

**robin hood:** oh no...oh this clueless little boy he doesn't even know what's going on

 

**spinner:** GUYS I THINK CAPTAIN ROGERS IS BEING POSSESSED

 

**tony snark:** peter be quiet

 

**spinner:** sorry mr. stark

**spinner:** ʰᵉ'ˢ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵖᵒˢˢᵉˢˢᵉᵈ

 

**:/:** 2 clueless boys

 

**robin hood:** hey should we add bucky back

 

**soaring, flying:** nah leave it for a few minutes

**soaring, flying:** i like the quiet

 

**:/:** same

 

**tony snark:** me too

 

**robin hood:** yeah it's kind of nice

**robin hood:** wait guys um

 

**:/:**?

 

**soaring, flying:** yeah?

 

**robin hood:** bucky's username...um

 

**tony snark:** what about it

 

**robin hood:** something's wrong.

 

**:/:** add him back

 

_robin hood added ultimate chungus to "Emotionally Harassing Tony Stark"._

 

**ultimate chungus:**

**ultimate chungus:** BIG CHUNGUS EATS THE RICH NOM NOM

 

**soaring, flying:** what the fuck

 

**:/:** i hate that

 

**robin hood:** chili soup

**robin hood:** god

 

**tony snark:** is...is that ugandan knuckles

**tony snark:** i can;t do this

**tony snark:** i

**tony snark:** i'm not strong enough

 

**spinner:** mr stark??

 

_tony snark left the group chat._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year maybe i'll update

**Author's Note:**

> thanks 4 reading comment ur fave parts and which characters you'd like to see join the group chat and i'll make it happen :)


End file.
